


Do I have your attention?

by moonqueerdom



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Band AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Music, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Light BDSM, Light Submission, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neil Josten dressing very well, Orgasm Denial, POV Neil Josten, Pet Names, Sassy Neil Josten, Sexual Tension, Smut, Use of Honorifics, humiliation/degradation kink, just a bit of Brattiness™, light domination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:09:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom/pseuds/moonqueerdom
Summary: Was it really such a problem to want more than anything to be fucked by your band partner?Like,really?It wasn't like Neil was expecting this to happen when he joined the band, but then Andrew Minyard was there. A hot motherfucker who was the main vocalist and guitarist of Devious Discipline in his spare time.And there was a moment when Neil learned that Andrew didn’t share the spotlight because he wanted todominatethe stage, just as his instinct told him to do.So, of course, Neil's instincts told him tostealthat spotlight.~Or, five times when Neil almost loses control and kisses Andrew on stage. And one time when he finally does that.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 31
Kudos: 210





	Do I have your attention?

**Author's Note:**

> ok, first of all, this fanfic was really difficult. I swear to god, nothing in the world describes my relief at finally finishing this monster. I started writing this months ago but I just kept putting it aside until I had to force myself to finish it once and for all. I'm still not sure what I thought of the final result but I guess that's it, right?
> 
> second, I came up with this idea while watching some live shows from My Chemical Romance, so any similarities are not just coincidences. and, clearly, I had to play with a lot of things outside of the characters to make this fanfic happen. I'll just hope I did it well.
> 
> oh, and, guys, I'm aware that this story probably has some errors related to the structural parts of the songs, concerts, and professional organization of the band in general, but I hope you guys can ignore that. thank you.
> 
> (speaking of thanks, a huge one to my beta reader, [Gab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabtoledo/profile), because the whole smut only exists and isn’t completely terrible thanks to them, so I really feel like I owe them this one)
> 
> (warnings and triggers before starting: explicit sexual content (check out the tags), informal BDSM, small mention of Neil's scars, shows in front of crowds, smoking, alcohol, use of honorifics (bdsm titles) and degradation with consent. if there is anything else, let me know;  
> none of these songs belong to me, and the voices of the people in the band are not the same as the original songs, so I'll be trying to describe it as possible so that you understand what it really sounds like and attaching links — be covers or even the original ones — which are close to what I had in mind;  
>  **bold** lyrics = backing vocals; _italic_ lyrics = main vocalist; both  = backing vocals and vocalist at the same time)
> 
> without further ado, good reading.

Was it really such a problem to want more than anything to be fucked by your band partner?

Like, _really?_

It wasn't like Neil was expecting this to happen when he joined the band, but then Andrew Minyard was there. A hot motherfucker who was the main vocalist and guitarist of Devious Discipline in his spare time.

He had those thick thighs, broad biceps, a fully defined body, and Neil's full attention. He thought it was a purely physical attraction, which would be quenched the moment he got what he wanted from Andrew or it just wouldn't be strong enough for him to really care.

That is, until the day he spoke to Andrew for the first time.

Neil was about to take the stage with the band for the very first time, and while adjusting the bass strings, Andrew approached behind him.

“You better not try to take control over the performances, Josten. I don't really enjoy sharing my power and control,” he said.

And the fact that he was so close that his teeth scraped over Neil's earlobe, or that his voice had sounded so hard, shouldn't have been that devastating, but it was.

Neil knew, right in that moment, he _knew_ Andrew was going to fuck him out of his mind. (Although not in the way he expected.) (Maybe, if he was lucky.)

After that, Neil had had enough time to imagine all kinds of things he wanted to do with Andrew or Andrew to do to him. There was only one problem: he was not sure if their preferences were compatible.

For example: it was impossible to say whether or not Andrew would agree to pull Neil's hair, make him choke on his balls or thighs, turn him on his back, bend him over any surface, beat the shit out of him, tie his wrists in such a way that all Neil would feel was the burning of the ropes against his skin and— _well._

That said enough, right?

So he did what he could and tried to get Andrew's attention every time they were offstage. The band was on tour, _for fuck’s sake_ , it shouldn't be that hard to get a man who spends almost all day with him to give him a little attention.

He tried anyway, seriously. Usual conversation was the first to be dropped because Andrew barely spoke to anyone, especially Neil, the newbie. So he tried to walk in just a towel to his hotel room, to pretend he was asleep on the plane seat and moan loudly enough so that only Andrew could hear, to _groan Andrew's name_ , to wet his shirt in the rain until it was completely glued to his body, to wear tight shorts, to suck a lollipop while looking at him in the eye… Nothing worked.

That is, until the day Neil discovered what should possibly be the best thing in his life.

He was at some hotel bar and it was past three in the morning. The band had had a show that night and would later take a flight to the next city, and he was having the last drinks before finally retiring to his room and sleeping. The said bar was in the entrance lounge, which is why he saw the moment the blonde entered the building.

That was not what startled him, though, but rather the fact that Andrew was wearing _fucking_ leather pants with a _fucking_ leather harness and a _fucking_ leather jacket. And, oh, there was no shirt. Andrew turned his body only slightly towards him when he saw him on one of the barstools.

Neil thought that things couldn't get any worse, but they could.

They could, because it had a leather collar and a chain slightly escaping Andrew's pocket, but it was enough for him to see and freak out internally.

“Did you miss something, Josten?” He asked.

Neil did nothing but shake his head. He was thinking about something, something he hadn't tried yet because he didn't know if he should, if he _could._

But now he needed to try it, just once.

“Go to your room and get some sleep, I don't want you passed out during the entire flight and having trouble waking up afterwards,” Andrew spoke again nonchalantly, right before turning away to go to the elevators and to his own room.

And that was the opportunity.

“Yes, Sir,” Neil nearly moaned.

And, _finally._

Finally he saw it. The slight tremor in Andrew's shoulders, barely there but still visible to Neil's watchful eyes.

That was the moment he learned that Andrew didn’t share the spotlight because he wanted to _dominate_ the stage, just as his instinct told him to do.

So, of course, Neil's instincts told him to _steal_ that spotlight.

##  _1\. Los Angeles, CA_

“Dude, the stadium is _so_ full, you're going to freak out,” Nicky was exclaiming, on the other end of the phone line.

He was sitting in the VIP box, just like the other guests, and had called Andrew's phone the moment he stepped in it.

“We've been on tour for a while, so yes, we already have some idea,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“But now it's _Los fucking Angeles!_ It’s totally different.”

“I don’t think so.”

Neil missed the rest of the conversation because he went into his private cabin to get dressed. He had chosen to start light, so the outfit he picked today was not the ‘worst’ of his options. Not yet. He wore the tightest vinyl pants he could find, a sheer body with long sleeves that formed a fingerless glove on his hands, combined with a loose crop top so that, if he raised his arms, his nipples would be visible, leather boots and collar. It was all black, because Neil really thought that color valued him immensely.

While he was looking in the mirror to see how the clothes looked on each part of his body, there was a knock on the cabin door.

“Neil?” Renee called. “We’re entering in six minutes and Andrew wants everyone to meet in the hall on the left side entrance to the stage."

Neil felt a little dizzy and took a deep breath as he stared at himself in the mirror, holding his breath for two seconds. He expired and repeated the process a few times.

“Go ahead, I'm right behind,” he said, sighing.

After one last look in the mirror and running a finger through his hair, Neil opened the door and left. He walked over to where Renee had indicated and, in fact, all of his bandmates were there. Andrew was saying something to Kevin, probably combining their parts on the show, since they were both guitarists, and Neil took advantage of the distraction to approach silently.

“Holy fucking shit, Neil,” Matt exalted himself, standing in the corner with his cell phone in his hands. “You are fucking _hot._ ”

“Indeed,” Renee chuckled.

Neil smiled and moved to expose the outfit better. He really likes this style better than the baggy clothes he was wearing before.

“Thank you. I'm changing a little bit to find what I prefer,” he said. “I thought you were in the VIP box with the other guests, Matt?”

“I was, but Renee thought you were having a panic attack and called me here.”

“Why would I be?” Neil frowned.

“Los Angeles is much bigger than we are used to, and you were locked in the cabin breathing a little loudly... But I shouldn't have assumed anything, sorry,” Renee gave an apologetic smile.

“It's hard to imagine him breathing without difficulty while wearing these pants, so here's your answer,” Andrew joined the conversation, crossing his arms.

Neil looked away from him and surveyed the blonde's entire body. Andrew was wearing a loose black velvet tank top, ripped jeans, spiked leather armbands and boots. He looked like a man personally sculpted by all the fucking deities. And in that position, with his thighs and biceps flexed, he looked like the reason for Neil's ruin.

Both Renee and Kevin walked away discreetly when Andrew and Neil faced each other. They were band partners, after all, it was obvious that they had already noticed the strange atmosphere between the two of them.

“Did you like it?” Neil smirked, and spun around to highlight his ass in these extremely tight pants, showing it to everyone there.

“No. It's horrible.”

“I guessed.”

“You look like a slut,” that phrase sounded different, which made Neil shiver completely.

“Oh, _yes,_ ” he whined deviously to Andrew’s bored face. “Isn't that incredible?”

“Is it, whore?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Neil approached him slowly, like a cat. “Especially when I move and the pants tighten and it _hurts_ . Oh, it feels _so good_.”

Andrew sucked on his cheeks in a hard breath, and then did nothing. Neil didn't expect a reaction from him, to be honest. There were few things that Andrew really allowed himself to express.

“We're going to go on stage, everyone get ready,” he said to everyone, although he didn't take his eyes off Neil.

“Yes, Sir,” Neil whispered.

It was completely undeniable that Los Angeles was the biggest of all the cities they had passed through so far, and the noise from the crowd outside was deafening to the ears of all four. Neil could only imagine how many people were waiting for them out there.

“Kevin, are you going to use the launchpad today?” He asked.

“I don’t think so,” Kevin shrugged.

“No. Today you’re responsible only for the guitar and the backing vocals,” Andrew answered.

Neil's performance always varied depending on whether Kevin used the launchpad or not, so it was important that he asked beforehand.

The crowd was impossible when the band's intro video started playing on the screen at the back of the stage. It was a short thing, just to get attention and create a hectic mood before they entered. Neil took the time to breathe and put the guitar strap over his shoulder.

“Good luck,” Renee whispered to him.

“There is no such thing as luck, but thanks,” he replied, smiling.

This was their ridiculous and unnecessary ritual. Since Neil's first concert, they exchanged the exact same words before going on stage. Andrew and Kevin, on the other hand, just exchanged little punches with everyone.

The crowd was stamping and making noise when the stage went dark and smoke started to come out of the machines. Renee entered first, taking advantage of the darkness to remain unnoticed, and positioned herself on the drums. When the smoke stopped and the stage went completely dark and quiet (except for the audience, but it also gradually calmed down), the first chords of Kevin's guitar and Neil's bass were heard. [ That song ](https://youtu.be/0J2QdDbelmY) had been written only for the guitar, but Andrew thought it would be interesting to add basses, so here they were. They continued at a steady pace, playing as they walked to the center of the stage, until Renee's battery came together. And now only one last thing was missing.

_I'm gonna fight 'em all_

_A seven nation army couldn't hold me back_

_They're gonna rip it off_

_Taking their time right behind my back_

_And I'm talking to myself at night_

_Because I can't forget_

_Back and forth through my mind_

_Behind a cigarette_

Andrew's voice filled the walls of the stadium and rose into the night sky. He was walking over to where the microphone stand was placed, and the stage lighting was tuned to Renee's drum beat, causing red lights to appear here and there while she kept pace.

Andrew picked up his guitar while singing the part that sped up the song, and when it came to the chorus, both Neil and Kevin stopped while Andrew started his part on the guitar along with Renee's agitated drums. He ducked his head, concentrating on the notes, and Neil and Kevin walked across the stage looking at the screaming crowd that now looked like nothing as they started to energize themselves with the performance.

Andrew was almost done again and Neil approached him to change the guitar for the bass while they were close to each other. It wasn't exactly planned, since they were free to do whatever they wanted on stage, and Neil was counting on that, so they exchanged a few looks to establish it.

_Don't wanna hear about it_

_Every single one's got a story to tell_

_Everyone knows about it_

_From the Queen of England to the Hounds of Hell_

Andrew was singing again, while keeping his eyes on Neil, who was focused on his bass. When things stirred again, Kevin's guitar was back to action. Neil lifted his head and locked his eyes with Andrew's, before biting his lip and making an expression of pleasure, as if he were moaning.

To that, Andrew just rolled his eyes. He remained focused on the lyrics, until they made the switch again and Neil's hands left the bass for the guitar-drums collab between Andrew and Renee.

_He had other plans in mind._

Neil came up behind Andrew and looked over his shoulder at the fast movements of his fingers and arms over the guitar strings.

Smiling devilishly, Neil slowly raised his hands and positioned them over Andrew's waist, a palm on either side of his body. Despite the shudder that fortunately Neil saw, he showed no other reaction to the touch.

“With your permission, Sir,” Neil whispered, really low over the loud sound, and breathed against the curve of Andrew's neck.

His hands slowly moved up the rigid abdomen, defined chest, firm shoulders and down again through the muscular back to the lower back, where Neil dragged his nails very lightly on the small patch of skin between Andrew's tank top and the waist of his pants.

When the guitar was over, Neil was quick and fluid in taking his bass and playing his part of the music again.

Andrew, panting, turned his head slightly towards him.

“Fucker,” he whispered.

Neil smiled and, in a rush, the last thing he was waiting for happened: Andrew faced him and licked the curve of Neil's neck slowly, causing a tremor that almost made him miss the bass note. Andrew's tongue was flat, slow, and wet over hot skin, and _oh_ , Neil's mouth went dry in seconds. He lifted his head, a surprised look dancing on his face, and Andrew just shrugged, chasing the microphone to sing again.

_I'm going to Wichita_

_Far from this opera forevermore_

_I'm gonna work the straw_

_Make the sweat drip out of every pore_

Suddenly Neil was extremely aware of the audience screaming and shouting more than usual. Andrew's lick on his neck was still a dizzying sensation, and he was pushing everything to the back of his head while trying to focus only on the music. When they entered the final lines, Neil almost sighed in relief, but that was just one of a long setlist for the show. The crowd sounded deafening around them.

“Good night, Los Angeles. It’s a pleasure for us to be here tonight, mainly because this is officially the biggest city we’ve visited with the tour. We’re waiting for you to get over the noise of all the others, yes?”

The people _roared_ , and Neil saw the small smile playing on Andrew's lips with that reaction. All he could think of, though, was: _hot son of a bitch_.

They went on as planned, song after song with brief breaks to interact with the audience or let them scream while the band drank water.

It was only after the third song that Neil finally recovered from Andrew's response. And it was after the fourth that he started to moan during his backing vocals. The first time, Andrew looked at him with raised eyebrows, at which Neil just smiled and brought his mouth closer to the microphone to do it again. The entire audience was silent for ten full seconds before starting to _shout_ in exaltation, definitely a positive response.

At the beginning of the next song, Neil walked with the bass to the edge of the stage and sat there, swinging his legs that dangle from the height. He smiled and waved to some people in the front ranks who started shouting incomprehensible words at him while he could still understand some rather obscene praise from some of them. He smirked at a guy looking at him with his mouth open from the front row, and blinked shamelessly at him.

Neil played the song from his seat at the edge of the stage, encouraging the audience to follow with their voice. When he got up, he paraded to where Andrew was and approached him gradually as he destroyed the notes of the music with his bass, reaching a point of proximity so great that they were almost completely glued. When he finished his solo and received a heavy look from Andrew, Neil came over while running the tip of his tongue over his lips and bit Andrew's neck joint, in the same place where he had licked him.

His brain nearly exploded when he heard a stuttered breath leave the blonde's mouth.

At this point, the crowd of people almost losing their throats from screaming was nothing more to them, as they continued to exchange glances and ambiguous gestures.

“Okay, so, this song we're going to play now is kind of a new thing, and I'm still making adjustments to it before deciding what to do with the result, so I'm going to want your opinion, okay, Los Angeles?” Andrew spoke into the microphone, for which he received cheers in response. “It’s a little different from what we usually present, but I think you’ll like it.”

He looked at Renee and made a questioning move. Somehow, they communicated without exchanging a single word, and she nodded. Kevin and Neil were equally lost, looking at the two.

Away from the microphone, so that only the ones on the stage could hear, Andrew said, “Day, pay attention to what I'm going to play and do the same in the second part of the song. Josten, your part is simple, watch here.”

He played a series of notes on the guitar, and Neil watched carefully to capture as well as he could. Soon after, he tried once on his own bass, looking at Andrew when he finished and getting a nod in response.

“Ladies, Gentlemen and Fellow listeners, this is _‘_ [ _My Strange Addiction_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ-IKWKBwB4) _’_.”

He nodded to Neil, who started with the bass while Andrew started singing.

_Don't ask questions, you don't wanna know_

_Learned my lesson way too long ago_

Renee's drums came on the scene, and Kevin was following everything as he tapped his foot to the beat, making his mental notes.

If it was to be honest, Neil was _really_ making an honest effort there, because _fuck_ how Andrew's voice was sounding deep and hot. That was it. Maybe Neil has some voice kink. Just _maybe._

Or maybe it's just Andrew, because it's _obvious_ that everything about this man is totally provocative.

_Take what I want when I wanna_

_And I want ya_

_Bad, bad news_

_One of us is gonna lose_

_I'm the powder, you're the fuse_

_Just add some friction_

Renee's voice was soft and sweet, dragging the word _'you'_ before Andrew sang the rest of the sentence, doing it twice more over the chorus.

Andrew looked at Kevin and raised his eyebrows, receiving a nod in response. When the drums calmed down again, he motioned for Neil to repeat, so he went back to playing the same notes on the bass. It took just a few seconds of that instrument echoing through the stadium before Andrew's voice was back, deep and drawn in a way that made him twist his tongue a few times or keep his mouth ajar while singing. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_ , that was Neil's mind as he tried his best not to miss the note.

_Deadly fever, please don't ever break_

_Be my reliever 'cause I don't self medicate_

_And it burns like a gin and I like it_

_Put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it_

_Hurts, but I know how to hide it, kinda like it_

Renee's drums were back in action and Andrew was holding a clenched fist extended to Kevin, signaling him to hold the guitar for now. And Neil? Well, Neil was way beyond dead and wasn't sprawled on the floor just by sheer willpower to stay calm. Was that song written by Andrew? For whom? Was there someone Neil didn't know about? Well, that could complicate things for him if such a song was written for this person.

He bit his lower lip and focused on the stage, keeping his mind on what he had to do and leaving any other subject for later.

The chorus returned again, Andrew dropped his hand and Kevin started playing the guitar once again. They were doing very well, since they had never tried this song before and they didn't even know its cipher. Andrew held the microphone stand in both hands and closed his eyes as he tapped his foot to the music.

At the end of the chorus, he interrupted both Neil and Kevin, leaving only the deep drum beat and some low murmurs from Renee's backing vocals.

_Bite my glass, set myself on fire_

_Can't you tell I'm crass?_

_Can't you tell I'm wired?_

_Tell me "Nothing lasts"_

_Like I don't know_

_You could kiss my as-king about my motto_

This time it was just voice and light drums, and Neil dismantled completely, because this song was completely mind-blowing, especially with Andrew's husky voice.

They did the chorus again, the last one, and ended up being greeted by a storm of excited screams and deafening noise. Of course, a positive answer. Andrew smirked with just one side of his mouth, thanked over the noise, barely being heard at the noise of the crowd, and looked at Neil while they were panting and locked their eyes.

“Tonight was totally incredible, we are immensely grateful for your excitement, Los Angeles,” Andrew said, without taking his eyes off the bass player. “But now, unfortunately, we are going to play our last song on the show.”

A disgruntled noise broke out in the audience.

“We hope to be back here soon,” Renee said, this time, “Thank you for all the love and support.”

The stage lights went out completely. Everything went dark while the audience calmed down, and Andrew took the opportunity to drink water. When the stadium was as quiet as possible, the first two lines floated through the night air.

_No, I never say die_

_No, I never say die_

[ That song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZDEiE82ih8&feature=youtu.be) was usually played with the aid of the launchpad, but they had already rehearsed without it a few times, so they could manage. The bass and drums were initially slow, just to indicate a rhythm.

_I'm a journeyman_

_I'm not the best but I'll fight until the end_

_Not got the quickest of hands_

_But watch them move when they come to my defence_

Kevin and Neil were just humming down a few times, under Andrew's voice. Then they calm down the instruments again, except for the short drumming that preceded the pre-chorus.

**I never give up, no**

_As long as there's blood running through these veins_

**I never give up, no**

_For as long as the night follows the day_

**I never give up, no,** **_no_ **

Short silence. And then the explosion of the instruments plus Andrew's voice at once.

_No, I never say die_

_No, I never say die_

_I'm gonna live with nothing left_

_Know there's nothing after death_

_So I never say die_

_No, I never say die_

They moved electrically with the chorus coming, and kept the second part more lively than the first, as it should be. Neil liked to perform that song, because it was his only complete composition in the band's discography, and he always felt a pleasant sensation when he heard it in Andrew's voice and thousands more excited people in the audience. It was his words coming to life.

They repeated the verses until the end of the song, alternating between Andrew and the backing vocals. The band's farewell was quick and a series of almost endless thanks, leaving behind a crowd of loud fans.

They were sweaty and panting when they reached the backstage, where all their guests were waiting for them.

Renee and Neil were further behind the others, and Neil approached her when she was taking off the leather gloves she wore throughout the show to avoid blisters, calluses and improve grip, among other things she explained but he didn't remember. Anyway, it looked really cool.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi, Neil. You did well on the show today,” Renee declared, and smiled as if she knew something more.

“Um, sure... Thanks, you were great too,” he smiled briefly. “May I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Did Andrew write that song a long time ago?”

Renee's face lit up in amusement and she smiled at him, definitely knowing something more than he even imagined.

“No, just a while after you joined the band,” she shrugged. “Quite different from his style, isn't it? I was also shocked, but in a pleasant way.”

Neil nodded. He was going to ask if she knew where the inspiration came from, but Allison approached them immediately.

“Babe, I totally hated today's show,” she said.

Neil frowned immediately, but Renee just smiled patiently.

“Yeah? And why’s that?” Her voice was tender.

“It's inconceivable that you were so absurdly hot by just standing behind a drum.”

Renee laughed and Neil snorted as he walked away to give them privacy. He searched for Matt and found him in the corner with Dan, watching whatever conversation between Abby, Wymack, Kevin and his two boyfriends, Jeremy and Jean. As soon as she saw him, Dan turned around, raising an eyebrow.

“Was that audacity with Minyard part of the show or...?” She asked.

Matt covered his face with his hands and nodded in agreement.

Neil giggled. “Guess you’ll never know.”

##  _2\. Las Vegas, NV_

Surely things had the effect Neil expected.

Obviously, he loved it when several websites started publishing about _‘The interesting interactions between two members of the band Devious Discipline’_ and derivative things. And then he loved it even more when many fans started freaking out on twitter, instagram or tumblr because of the ‘drastic and completely welcome style change of the band’s bassist’ and trying to understand where that came from.

But nothing was compared to Andrew's reaction.

It was already known that he didn’t like _not_ being the center of attention when it comes to the band's shows, so, naturally, this public reaction to Neil disturbed him.

Neil and Kevin were getting ready in the best possible way to go to a tattoo and piercing studio in Las Vegas, drinking the cheapest vodka they found at the supermarket (but not enough to get too drunk and affect their performance at the show later). Renee was beside them, laughing and preparing for the shit that would inevitably result.

Andrew appeared in the hall, wearing a blase expression and holding his phone in front of him. He dropped it in front of Neil and crossed his arms. Everyone leaned over and saw the screen open on a teenage gossip site. _‘Meet Neil Josten, the new favorite one of the band Devious Discipline’s fans,’_ read the cover.

“Good enough for you?” Andrew asked, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly.

His voice was calm, but Neil wouldn’t be fooled. Anyone with a minimum experience with Andrew would know that this was just a facade.

Kevin took the phone from him and laughed openly as he scrolled and read it aloud.

“Look at this photo that they attached, it's from the last show in Los Angeles,” he said, showing to Neil.

“Um, I liked this one, it really valued my ass very well. Download it, so Andrew will have the photo saved on his phone,” Neil replied, winking at the blonde.

When Kevin moved his finger to actually save the image, Andrew was quicker and recovered his phone.

“I thought I said something to you before your first show with us?” The blonde said, addressing Neil, who pretended a thoughtful expression

Neil sighed and looked at him.

“All of this and I still haven't got the attention I really want. I think I'll have to try harder, don't I?”

Andrew took two steps forward and stood over Neil, who was sitting in a chair and had to look up at him. He swallowed and his eyes lidded. Andrew grabbed the collar of his shirt and squeezed it.

“You should behave yourself.”

Neil narrowed his eyes in a dare. “Make me.”

Andrew snorted and released his shirt from his firm grip, moving away from the other man again.

“It's not worth my time,” he said, not bothering to look at Neil. “If we go out, we better get going soon.”

Kevin cleared his throat and Renee smiled as if nothing had happened, and everyone left without another word.

As promised, the shit was inevitable the moment they stepped into that studio with two members of the band having, on average, been pissed off. Everyone was divided by the two floors and different rooms of the place, meeting again just before leaving. Following the agreement, a quick photo was taken of the band with the owner and manager of the place, good enough to be posted on social media and serve as advertising.

It was on the way back that Kevin, all excited, showed a piece of his arm that was wrapped in plastic film and displayed a new tattoo, this time a guitar. Neil smiled and praised Kevin.

“However, I think this time I won the competition,” he was quick to add.

“I don't doubt that, really. But this time I don't care, at least I didn't risk doing something I would regret forever or, at least, a very long period of my life,” Kevin shrugged.

“Fair enough. But _I_ will not regret what I did.”

“And what is it?”

Neil gave a devious smile. “You’ll see later.”

Surprising as it was, Kevin didn’t insist. When they arrived back at the hotel, just in time to pick up things and go to the stadium to start testing the sound and check the settings for the show, Renee was in charge of passing on all Andrew's notes to the other two. Well, almost all of them.

“I will be saying this only once, Josten, and I hope you will comply. Cut that shit out of wanting to get all the attention on stage,” Andrew said, lifting his chin in his imposing pose. “Was I clear?”

Neil smirked and took a deep breath. “Yes, Sir.”

Andrew all but rolled his eyes, turned his back and walked to his hotel room.

As the other three followed into the building, Neil heard Kevin whispering to Renee, “We’re supposed to call him ‘Sir’ or what?”

The woman smiled and Neil had to bite the inside of his mouth to avoid doing the same.

The van that took them to the stadium was apparently spacious enough for Andrew to keep his shit away from the rest of the band, but they were all used to it by now. Everyone chatted excitedly about what they expected from the night and their tour in general.

“What are you going to do when this is all over? I mean, when we take the much-deserved rest after so many shows.” Renee asked.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” Kevin shrugged.

“Me neither,” Neil hummed. “I like being on the move. That's what I've been used to during my whole life, never being in the same place. So I think I'm probably going to travel some more.”

Renee smiled. “I would like to have at least some of your vigor,” she conceded. “Well, I have plans to enjoy a great time doing literally nothing with my girlfriend. Sounds good, huh?”

“Joke’s on you, I have _two_ boyfriends,” Kevin teased, and they laughed. “What about you, Andrew?”

As much as he tried to look like an unsympathetic antisocial most of the time, Andrew was not all that ghastly creature he was trying to look like, which was why it wasn't unbearable to join a band with him.

When he spoke, the blonde looked away from them and inclined his head.

“I plan on getting a good fuck,” he said, shrugging.

The other three turned their heads at him at the same time, with the same incredulous looks on their faces.

“Oh, really?” Neil couldn't help asking.

“Yes. It's been kinda difficult lately.”

“ _Oh, really?_ ” The auburn-haired one repeated. “Well, if you need to wreak about it, my room is right next door.”

Andrew waved him off and Neil rolled his eyes. When they arrived at the stadium, everyone got out of the van except Renee, who also held Neil in the vehicle with her.

“I know I said that before, but I repeat: I'm going to share today's lead vocals with Andrew,” she said.

Neil frowned. “I know. So?”

Renee's smile was sympathetic at the same time it was diabolical, and that was her most dreadful and incredible quality. “ _So_ he will have less to concentrate on, which is convenient for any... _unexpected distractions._ ”

She chuckled and got out of the van, leaving Neil alone with his smirk.

Before the show, they still had to test the sound and go over the planning with the vocal changes, which, honestly, they ended up doing very quickly, compared to other times, so they were just relaxing on the backstage sofas before the time to get ready came.

Kevin was keeping up with twitter — not that he was very advisable for that, but of all the band members, he was the least inclined to do some awful shit — and commenting out loud about everything people were saying, both those who were outside the stadium waiting for them, as well as those who were following through other ways.

Most things were about the anxiety to know what that night would be like — because, well, that was a strong feature of Devious Discipline; they never kept the same schedule twice —, but there were those few cheering messages about the band members.

“ _Neil is literally my baby and my love at the same time that I would let him destroy me with his body in any way he wanted_ ,” Kevin read from the phone screen. “There's another one, look... _Neil Josten would make me kneel for his talent because this little shit is awesome in everything he does and I'm infinitely a bitch for him._ ”

Neil laughed and threw his head back. Andrew limited himself to merely snorting and rolling his eyes, but everyone pretended not to see for good.

“Let me see this,” Neil asked, reaching for the phone, which Kevin handed him. After rolling for a few seconds, he laughed. “Here, Kev, there are some about you too. Listen to this huge text right here,” he cleared his throat before reading, “ _Kevin Day, the best at what he does, a true legend. A hurricane on stage, a phenomenon never seen and will never be equaled. He has an impeccable track record in music and is undoubtedly the best at what he does thanks to his effort. Day's devotion is so great that he is often misunderstood for that, but that does not change the fact that he will carry on a legacy, regardless of what else he does. He deserves everyone’s love, he deserves every possible title, he deserves to be loved, he deserves to be an inspiration. I am very proud of this man and I always will be. Once again, he deserves all the love—_ ”

“Did you start paying your boyfriends to lie about you on the internet, Day?” Andrew grunted.

This made everyone else laugh.

“Don't be jealous, Drew. I bet that there is something about you too,” Neil said. Decreasing his voice, he added, “And I'm always more than willing to whisper as many sweet things as you want in your ear.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and put on his usual ‘fuck off all of you’ expression.

“Listen to me. It's in caps lock so imagine that I'm screaming, okay? _Andrew Minyard I would let you hit me with that guitar and then step on me while destroying me completely and after all I would be grateful. The best guitarist and vocalist possible,_ ” Neil read.

“ _Of course_ his fans are almost as aggressive as he is,” Kevin snorted.

“Yeah, obviously the best,” Andrew, in a rare moment of sympathy, boasted. “You should go get dressed. Let’s avoid being late so don't leave it until the last minute.”

Saying that, he got up and walked away from them, walking to the back of the backstage. Neil started to think about the clothes he was going to wear that night, and it was inevitable that a smirk would appear on his face in the process. That was an outfit he really liked, honestly...

“You’re going to become a bitch over Andrew again, right? That's why you have this fucking smile.” Kevin asked with his eyebrows furrowed, while Renee chuckled.

“You know me, Kev... You know I will,” Neil replied.

“Good luck then. And please try not to leave me traumatized.”

“I'll do my best,” he shrugged.

The other three followed what Andrew had suggested and also got up from the sofas to hurry up to the dressing rooms.

Today Neil opted for a mom jeans with the hem folded and the torn fabric exposing large stretches of his legs — including a part of his underwear right next to his ass — with a black see through shirt with short sleeves and loose on the torso, hooked inside the pants. He also complemented it with a leather belt, combat boots, fishnets under his pants and a really amazing leather choker with a ring in the front. He was already in love with that outfit, and the feeling only grew when Neil looked in the mirror and, due to the fact that he was not wearing anything under or over the see through shirt, he could see the result of going to the studio earlier that day.

Both of his sensitive nipples exhibited pieces of titanium, the result of getting them pierced.

He wasn't planning on covering his torso that night, so whatever the shirt showed, it would be seen by anyone who wanted to.

Neil took one last look in the mirror and fixed his hair lightly before sitting on one of the dressing room tables and waiting until he was only ten minutes before the show — maybe he _wanted_ to be late for sheer charm, so what?

When he approached the stage entrance, the others were gathering as well and Renee smiled the moment she saw him. As usual, she already had leather gloves in her hands, and dressed in black denim overalls with a kitten's head shaped cleavage. She held out a hand to Neil — holding the two drumsticks with the other — and he held it with pleasure.

“Are you trying to steal some hearts from the audience?” Renee asked.

Neil smiled and shrugged. “The position of the adorable one was already filled, so I tried to choose something else.”

“Um, and who would be the adorable member?”

Loudly and clearly, he replied, “Andrew, of course,” Neil smiled. “You are the badass and Kevin is the idiot everyone loves.”

Renee laughed and shook her hand.

“ _Fuck, Neil,_ ” Kevin exclaimed.

“I'm not saying that you are—”

“That's not it,” he interrupted Neil. “Did you get your nipples pierced?”

Suddenly all three pairs of eyes fell on him — Andrew, obviously, more modest than the others. Neil smiled and shook his head.

“Oh, I did,” he boasted. “I always thought it was cool so I thought of giving it a go.”

“Did it hurt?” Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“Fortunately, yes,” he sighed with a dreamy look on his eyes. “It was quite an experience.”

“ _You_ are quite a person.”

Neil laughed and shrugged. He made sure to look directly at Andrew before saying, “Best of all is that it's so sensitive and the fabric of the shirt never stops rubbing, so it's like a constant rousing.”

Kevin frowned and Renee laughed. She shook the auburn haired man’s hands and, when he looked at her again, winked at him.

Andrew didn’t say a single word, decidedly ignoring everyone until the band's intro video started playing, which was when he chose to exchange punches with everyone. Renee and Neil exchanged their usual words and she only let go of his hand when she had to go on stage. Everything was dark with little smoke around, and the audience was screaming at the top of their lungs and making all kinds of noise as possible.

A quick peek allowed Neil to see the large number of people raising red light sticks in the air, having an incredible effect against the darkness of the place.

“Not a single advice for me, Andrew?” He asked, smirking.

Andrew did nothing more than look him up and down and lick his lips.

“I already know that _this_ is not how I'm going to discipline you, darling,” the blonde whispered. Neil froze for a few seconds, with the words running through his head in every possible way, until he was pulled out of the trance by Andrew's voice again, “We will go in, be ready.”

Just when Renee started playing low sounds in her drums, the three men entered the dark stage and got into position. After a few more low beats, Kevin burst on the guitar and immediately Renee accompanied with the drums. The lights went on at once and the audience, hitherto silenced by the slow start of the show, burst out again in screams when they saw them on stage.

Neil followed his part of [ the song ](https://youtu.be/fGYJ8hqbqxI) with the bass and they stayed on the instrumental while Andrew kept up with the rhythm with small taps of his foot before it was time to start singing.

_Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?_

_Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me_

_Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?_

_Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?_

Initially his voice was low and deep, and Neil thought he would always get goosebumps every time they performed this song, just because of those moments where Andrew's voice sounded like _that_.

For the next few verses he raised the tone of his voice as the instruments accelerated the rhythm a little.

_Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?_

_Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?_

_Do the people whisper ‘bout you on the train like me?_

_Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?_

Andrew was very comfortable in his position and Neil would never stop admiring how he always looked like a completely different person on stage. Loose, willing, open… It was just too beautiful.

People in the audience were screaming the words of the song desperately and it sure filled the veins of everyone in the band with pure adrenaline. Even with all the noise, however, Andrew maintained the unique way of keeping his voice present over everything.

When he sang the next verse, it was low before it exploded in the chorus.

_And all the people say_

_You can’t wake up, this is not a dream_

_You're part of a machine, you are not a human being_

_With your face all made up, living on a screen_

_Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline_

Andrew removed the microphone from the stand and started walking around the stage while singing. Initially he just went without any specific direction, and then he approached the edge for a few seconds, just to wave at some people, before turning around again and back to walking.

The surprising thing, however, was that he was not only walking, but was actually heading towards Neil. And it was obvious that this was what he was doing, because Andrew's eyes were unabashedly fixed on him, it couldn't be anything else.

Neil swallowed and struggled to stay focused on what he was doing.

_The bass, keep the focus on the bass. Don't miss the note, you need to keep pace._

Andrew got close enough that he didn't have to move more than a step to have his body completely glued to Neil's.

**Oh ooh oh ooh oh oh**

_I think there’s a flaw in my code_

**Oh ooh oh ooh oh oh**

_These voices won’t leave me alone_

_Well, my heart is_ **_gold_ ** _and my hands are_ **_cold_ **

The music calmed down again for a few moments. A few drum beats, a few guitar notes and Neil panting without having a clue if it was because of the show's adrenaline or Andrew's intense gaze.

His breathing situation, of course, did not improve when Andrew ran his index finger through the ring on Neil's choker and pulled him forward through it. Looking deep into the other man's eyes, Andrew started singing again, and Neil had to use every cell in his body and maybe a little more to focus on playing the bass properly.

_Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?_

_Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?_

_Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?_

_Pointing fingers cause you’ll never take the blame like me?_

He didn't let go of Neil's choker, and, very distantly, it was possible to hear how the audience was screaming their lungs out in response to that — honestly, Neil would be screaming as much as that if he managed to do something other than gasp and try maintain concentration, after all, Andrew was pulling him and keeping their foreheads glued together while singing looking him in the eye and just... _fuck_. They shouted profanity, their names, incoherent phrases, whatever was possible.

_The bass the bass the bass focus music rhythm notes the bass the—_

Before letting go of Neil's choker, Andrew pulled in a way that slightly hindered his airflow, but it didn't last more than three seconds, and then the blonde went on his way while repeating the chorus of the song.

Neil was in shock, continuing to play the automatic because his brain was definitely melted and could only repeat a series of disconnected curses.

That song ended and Neil found it totally convenient, because he needed a few seconds to breathe. Andrew was still going to kill him, that's official. Why was he doing this? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Neil was so lost in these thoughts that he almost missed it when Andrew started to speak.

“Hey, Las Vegas. Welcome everybody and thanks to everyone who is here tonight. I really hope you can enjoy the show as best as possible.”

He looked at Renee and nodded. She smiled and counted with the drumsticks before starting a rhythm along with Andrew's guitar.

Suddenly Neil's attention was taken by that. [ That ](https://youtu.be/xHfW-wLwttM) was one of the songs that Renee had been assigned to sing during the show, and it was impossible not to smile when he remembered what she had said as soon as they got out of the van upon arriving at the stadium.

The sound was only instrumental for a while, until everything was silent — with the obvious exception of the audience screaming — and the stage light went out. When it lit again, it was just a green light covering them and that was when Renee started singing.

_Baby, can't you see_

_I'm calling_

_A guy like you should wear a warning_

_It's dangerous_

_I'm falling_

That song was a composition by both Neil and Renee — although Neil's participation was far less than hers — and it made the auburn haired man smile.

Kevin's participation on that one was much simpler, since now he was sharing the guitar with Andrew instead of doing it all by himself, so he noticed when Neil started walking from where he was to the direction of the blonde, and recognized his intentions in no time.

Neil could almost see the warning in his eyes, but it was an ‘almost’ not a ‘certainly’, and Neil never relied on uncertainty, so he went forward anyway.

Andrew was focused on the guitar enough to not notice him approaching, so he took the time to observe all the details of the scene before him as he could. Andrew's biceps were flexed while he held the guitar, his fingers moved quickly over the strings of the instrument and his hair, which was already getting a little long, fell in the eye due to his head down.

In the background, Renee was still singing and the song was still going on, but Neil was completely playing the automatic now. He got close enough to Andrew, only then, was he noticed by the blonde, who raised an eyebrow. They were playing their respective parts of the songy and, therefore, just maintained an intense exchange of looks and nothing more.

That is, until Renee arrived at the chorus of the song.

_The taste of your lips_

_I'm on a ride_

_You're toxic I'm slippin' under_

_With a taste of a poison paradise_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Don't you know that you're toxic?_

_And I love what you do_

_Don't you know that you're toxic?_

Neil got close enough to be able to press his forehead against Andrew's shoulder, with his head down, and not interfere in the space to continue playing their instruments.

When the chorus passed and they calmed the song down, Neil took the chance to moan low and in quick succession, his mouth almost glued to Andrew's ear. All of them shivered because of that, and obviously, that was just another incentive for Neil to continue.

More than that, the audience probably also heard it, because Neil's mobile microphone was on — if everyone's insane screams didn't indicate enough.

He wasn't expecting it, however, when Andrew turned to face him and said, “May you kneel for me, pet?”

Neil whimpered involuntarily, slid down to the floor and knelt in front of the blonde.

Exactly that simple. He just got on his knees. It felt completely right and he was totally happy to obey, so kneeling he would do.

He knew that Andrew was trying to establish his position of power on the stage, trying, somehow, to direct attention to him again. All this because he had the distorted idea that Neil was trying to steal this, when the only thing he really wanted was Andrew's attention, just and exclusively that.

Looking up Neil saw how Andrew was looking at him. He saw how Andrew's gaze darkened and shone, and it made him kneel in place exactly as it was.

He positioned the bass in front of his lap and resumed playing just like everyone else. They kept their eyes fixed all the time, nothing made them look away for even a minute. Not even the crowd of crazy people shouting in front of the stage.

Neil's mind was too busy processing the fact that Andrew had asked to kneel. He was kneeling in front of Andrew because he asked. _It was just too good._

_With the taste of your lips_

_I'm on a ride_

_You're toxic I'm slippin' under_

_With a taste of the poison paradise_

Renee kept repeating the lines of the lyrics but Neil had long since been disconnected. He was busy getting lost in Andrew's golden eyes and darkened by lust. It was amazing that he was able to stand firm enough to continue playing, honestly.

Neil bit his lip and swallowed as Andrew stepped forward and stood very close and lifted over him. _So, so close._

_Intoxicate me now_

_With your lovin' now_

_I think I'm ready now_

_I think I'm ready now_

_Intoxicate me now_

_With your lovin' now_

_I think I'm ready now_

Neil remained kneeling in front of Andrew until the end of the song. He licked his lips a few times and watched the blonde follow the movement with his eyes.

They played the last notes of the song and the stage fell silent — which was barely anything with the deafening noise of the audience screaming at their feet. Andrew nodded to Neil and that was a minimal gesture of approval, but it was enough to slightly twist the inside of him.

When Neil got up on his feet — because, after all, they would have to start a new song — he didn't miss the chance to slowly slide his mouth down Andrew’s legs and then up to Andrew's torso. He traced a smooth path using his lips and sliding across the other man's body, which visibly caused a shudder in both of them.

 _Oh, fuck, how I wanted to do that on your naked body and with a lot more calm and dedication,_ Neil thought.

Once fully standing, he smiled devilishly and stepped forward to place a kiss on Andrew's cheek. The latter, in turn, responded by raising his middle finger to the other man.

Neil smiled even more and pretended not to see anything, parading to the corner of the stage and fishing for a bottle of water in the cooler placed there.

For the rest of the show, Neil was never completely focused on the performances, much more distracted by the slightest things Andrew did, and even more so when he did something with the aim of affecting the auburn-haired — and he _was_ doing it, if all tugs on the choker, slow hand rubs over his shirt and any other approach meant something.

Profitable enough, Neil was good at staying on automatic, so he had no problems throughout the show, even with the focus on the background.

After a lot of songs and interactions with the audience, they ended the show and Andrew didn't even spare a look at Neil as they all went backstage.

Renee, on the other hand, came over and, smiling, said, “I am seriously thinking about starting a bet with Kevin and the fans about who drives the first one crazy, you or him.”

Neil smiled. “Who would you bet on?”

“I'm not sure yet, but, hey, voting is a secret.”

He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue to her, but then they laughed and walked away to the dressing room.

##  _3\. Saint Louis, MO_

That night they would have a band opening the show for them. It was a group of five people and everyone was looking forward to meeting them.

All with the notable exception of Andrew.

He didn't dislike the idea, he was just completely apathetic to it. But then, that was his usual behavior, so everything was fine.

From the few superficial information they had received, they knew that the band was called Beasts Wood, focused on the pop rock and indie rock genres and had just recently been formed.

When they arrived at the place where the show was booked, a very spacious arena, the guest band's van was already there, and they were all pushed into a room where they exchanged quick presentations and were once again pushed onto the stage to do the sound test.

Neil was _way too quick_ to introduce himself to Rowell, who was a member of Beasts Wood. The thing is, when he next realized, they were flirting with each other and making that too obvious.

Well, Neil wasn’t dumb. Rowell _was_ attractive, and he wasn't going to waste the chance, so...

They both spent the afternoon and early evening talking, laughing, exchanging very light touches and doing things like that.

Unfortunately, this allowed him to realize that Rowell wasn’t only handsome but also a complete jerk. Like, he really was. Still okay for a good fuck, though, so Neil didn't give up. But nothing even remotely more than that.

Another thing Neil had the opportunity to notice was how Andrew was constantly watching whenever they were talking close to him. Neil didn't get too attached to that, however. If Andrew wanted to say anything, Neil knew better than anyone that _he would_ , so it was just a matter of waiting.

Near the start of the show, everyone was gathered in the backstage talking after they had split between the dressing rooms to get ready. Renee and Kevin were talking to three other Beasts Wood members while their singer was walking around the place and talking to someone on the phone, nor did god know where Andrew was and Neil, of course, was talking to Rowell in a far corner.

For today's show Neil had chosen a short sleeve back lace up crop top with the words ‘baby boy’ printed on the front, very skinny jeans, leather garter belt and his typical combat boots.

Rowell had praised him a few times, and they decided to sneak away to hook up for a little while before going on stage.

They reached a gap in a corridor and hid there. While they were still talking and laughing, however, Neil felt a chill go through his body as a breath hit him in the neck followed by a cloud of smoke. He absorbed the smell of nicotine and a strong familiar scent, and as he did so and tried to process what was going on, a low, hoarse voice came to his ears from behind him.

“What are you doing?” It was barely a deep whisper against his ear, but it was enough to make him have goosebumps.

Rowell startled in front of Neil and looked past him. “Um, hi, Minyard.”

Andrew did nothing but direct him a long look before turning his attention completely to Neil.

“I asked a question, and I expect an answer,” he whispered again in Neil's ear.

The auburn-haired man swallowed a few times and cleared his throat before speaking. “We were just trying to spend some time before, you know, going on stage.”

Andrew hummed and the low noise reverberated through Neil's skin, because they were _that_ close, and the latter felt every bit and cell of his body shiver.

“Okay. Too bad we don't have time for that, though.”

“Dude, we'll have time if you just get out of here,” Rowell said, rolling his eyes.

“And then what? You’re going to fuck him in ten minutes or less? You certainly deserve better treatment than that, don't you think, my angel?” He clearly addressed the last sentence exclusively to Neil, who felt his knees buckle and took a deep breath.

“Yes, Sir,” Neil replied in almost a purr, without any shame.

Rowell looked at them clearly curious.

“Plus, we have to take a picture of the two bands together,” Andrew said lightly. “Our manager and theirs decided that. There's a photographer waiting and everything.”

The other two men clearly didn’t know that, and just nodded.

“Okay then. Shall we, gentlemen?” Andrew offered, extending a hand and signaling them to go ahead as he smashed his cigarette against the wall.

Rowell just turned and went without any hesitation — and probably a little pissed too, although no one cared enough about it — and Neil hesitated before following him.

He turned to cast a look in Andrew's direction and stopped in place. Andrew was wearing a button-up shirt with the top three buttons open, giving enough of a brief view of his chest, and the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, highlighting his broad arms. As if that was not enough, he was also wearing his glasses — quite surprising, because every night Andrew opted for the contact lens.

Neil mewled with the full view, he is sure he did it.

It took a light push and a raised eyebrow from Andrew to get him moving again.

Renee noticed instantly when the three men appeared back in the main backstage room, and raised her eyebrows and smirked.

They organized themselves in front of a white background, which was quickly set up by the photographer Andrew said. The two bands stood on either side, and Neil was going to position himself when, suddenly, two hands grabbed him and he lost his balance as he was pulled and fell sitting on something. _Someone._

Neil didn’t take long to situate himself, because soon strong arms wrapped around his waist and held him in place. The place in question being Andrew's lap.

Neil wanted to scream a lot.

Out of nowhere, Andrew had pulled Neil onto his lap, and was now holding him there with a firm grip. They were _too pressed_ against each other, and Neil's pants were _so tight_ that it would be so much easier to... well, do anything, actually.

“Don't move,” Andrew growled in his ear, as if reading his mind. Giving a small smile, Neil shifted on his lap to turn on his side and get his arms around Andrew's neck, who snorted and briefly grabbed Neil's earlobe with his teeth. “What did I just say?”

The heat that ran down his spine to his groin was inevitable, and Neil hummed slyly.

They were silent while the photographer took some pictures, and even when that was done, Andrew still didn't allow Neil to get up.

The other people blatantly pretended that nothing was going on, and the approach of the moment for the band Beasts Wood going on stage was enough to distract everyone.

Andrew put a hand on Neil's face, squeezed and turned it over so they could face each other. Naturally, both had their pupils equally dilated with lust.

“Listen to me carefully and answer me when I ask, yes, sweet boy?” He said.

Neil nodded and instantly his eyes were blissed. “Yes, Master.”

“Such a good boy. I hear you wrote a new song, is it true?”

“Yes.”

“Yes who?”

“ _Master_. Yes, Master.”

Andrew moved one of the hands he was holding around Neil's waist and used it to caress the top of his thigh. “Very well. Do you like the song you wrote, baby angel?”

Neil was too flustered and that made him respond easily, without any hesitation. “I do, Sir. Very much,” he grinned satisfied.

“I could change some things over the show today and find a space for you to sing this song, how does that sound?”

“I would very much like that, Sir.”

Moving his face a little closer to Neil's ear, Andrew bit the lobe again and whispered, “However, I have a condition, my dear.”

Neil just hummed, because Andrew hadn't asked a question.

“You are going to perform the song the way I order you to,” he said again. Andrew gave some time to the suggestion to sink in Neil, “Do I have a yes or a no?”

It wasn't like he had to think too much about it. “Definitely a yes, Master.”

“Okay, sweet boy. I'm gonna need the music scores. Do you have them here?”

“No, Sir. But Renee knows everything.”

“Perfect. I'm going to talk to them, but you won't know anything until we're on stage. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect.”

Andrew nodded and gave Neil two pats on the thigh for him to get up, which he did quickly. Unfortunately, the even greater tightness in his pants indicated a painful and growing problem in the middle of his legs.

Neil was still a little blissed, and just watched quietly as Andrew walked over to Kevin and Renee and started to say something with his ever serious expression. He took the time to go to the nearest bathroom and try to adjust himself inside of his pants. It was a lengthy process and not 100% efficient, but he managed to do the best he could.

The Beasts Wood’s opening show lasted around forty-five minutes, and they were all ready for the exchange when the time came.

Rowell didn’t stop smiling at Neil when he passed by him, and the latter returned with a smirk and a wink. Andrew scoffed next to him.

They entered the dark stage and positioned themselves as usual. This time, however, instead of starting to sing, Andrew held the microphone and said, “Good night everyone,” and the lights continued to go out so that only his voice would spread through the arena. Some people shouted in the audience but most were instantly silent. “Today we’re going to start the show a little differently. The thing is, our _dearest_ bass player wrote a song recently, and he’s more than excited to show it to you. And not only that, he’s also going to prove it for us and everyone else present in that arena and watching us from home why he is in this band.”

Andrew stepped away from the microphone stand, walked over to Neil and stood behind him.

“Are you ready, pet?”

“You know I am,” Neil smirked. “Give me your worst.”

“Since you ask with such affection…” Andrew reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a bandana. Approaching Neil's microphone, he said, “Neil Josten will play and sing for you his new composition while he remains blindfolded. Give us your best, sweet darling. Let's see how much of an incredible bass player you really are.”

The auburn-haired one smiled contentedly and whispered to Andrew, “Is that all? Easy.”

“We'll see. Can I put the blindfold on you?”

“Yes.”

Andrew did as he said and made sure everything was right and in place before taking his hands off Neil.

“Feel free to start, Josten.”

From that moment on, Neil's vision was nothing but complete darkness. He smiled and approached the microphone.

“This song is called ‘[ _Desire_ ](https://youtu.be/ebVd6Qow_K4)’.”

Renee took three hits with the stick and she, Kevin and Neil started a deep rhythm. A few seconds later, Renee sped up on the drums and they continued in an agitated beat throughout the beginning of the song. Andrew was a bit of an idiot if he thought putting the blindfold on Neil would be enough to slow down _his_ performance, who had been used to that instrument for years and knew every string and piece of bass as a second brain. Not that Neil would even mention it out loud, because then the idiot would be him.

_Baby, I wanna touch you_

_I wanna breathe into your well_

_See, I gotta hunt you_

_I gotta bring you to my hell_

_Baby, I wanna fuck you_

_I wanna feel you in my bones_

_Boy, I'm gonna love you_

_I'm gonna tear into your soul_

He could feel himself smiling as the verses slid from his mouth. Honestly, that was a huge exposure, those words were the way he managed to express a part of what his brain screamed every time Andrew's image came up, but then it wasn't like he intended to keep that song hidden, anyway. And he felt good singing now.

However, at some point Neil's attention doubled when, all at once, he felt Andrew's hand circling his back.

“Do you trust me, baby angel?” The blonde asked.

As soon as he could, Neil whispered a simple, “Yes.”

_Desire, I'm hungry_

_I hope you feed me_

Andrew found the space where Neil's skin was bare, between the crop top and the waistband of his pants, and stroked his hand there, before digging his nails and scratching slowly.

In less than two seconds, Neil abandoned all his naiveté that, for a moment, he dared to think that Andrew would do something so easy and simple.

He opened his mouth on an aborted moan and sighed.

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

Neil wanted, he really wanted, to be able to pay attention to other things. _How was Renee doing? How was Kevin doing? Was the harmony of their instruments good? Was the audience reacting to the music?_

But he couldn't. Not with Andrew breathing on the back of his neck and squeezing Neil's hips tight.

When he was supposed to sing the chorus, it was impossible not to whimper lightly at the end of each sentence.

And he knew that if he tried to focus on something else, he would miss the bass or vocals of the song, and that was exactly what Andrew absolutely expected him to do.

_Honey, I wanna break you_

_I wanna throw you to the hounds_

_I gotta hurt you, I gotta hear from your mouth_

_Boy, I wanna taste you, I wanna skin you with my tongue_

_I'm gonna kill you_

_I'm gonna lay you in the ground_

“You really are an exhibitionist slut, aren't you, Josten?” Andrew asked, cupping Neil's ass. Their bodies were very close, the likelihood of anyone knowing what they were really doing was low because Neil covered Andrew as much as necessary, for anyone looking in front of them.

Neil's brain crashed because he didn't know what to do while his conscience told him to do multiple things at the same time. Just in case, he chose to continue singing and playing.

“I wonder what would happen if I…” Andrew left the sentence open, and the next moment he slid his hands to the front of Neil's body. He ran his fingers over his covered chest and went down to his belly. There he found the naked part of Neil's skin and played with it, scratching it a few times and just running his finger slowly over a few others. When he felt bolder, Andrew raised his hands again and brushed Neil's nipples over the crop top until they were bristling. He felt the piercings against his fingers, and the other man involuntarily groaned.

Neil was clearly breathless and struggling with all the reactions at the same time to stay focused on the music.

He took advantage of the few seconds of little agitation in the music to better understand what was going on around him.

Andrew breathing against him, music playing, people shouting from everywhere in the audience and mostly shouting obscenities. _Neil's_ own brain was screaming obscenities.

_Desire, I'm hungry_

_I hope you feed me_

Neil groaned when Andrew pressed his thumb over both nipples, because his skin was sensitive and he felt too much when the current of pain spread through him.

Many things were happening at the same time when both hands started to slide over his body again, causing that ever so desirable touch.

“You are such a good boy, aren't you, Neil?” Andrew growled. “I wonder what you would do if I finally gave in to your requests and fucked you. Would you like a crowd watching too? Just like now?” When Neil was unable to respond, needing to take a deep breath to calm himself in several ways, Andrew said again, “I would fuck you right until oblivion and you would like to, because you are a slut, aren't you? _My slut_ , how does that sound?”

That was the moment when Neil failed and dragged a long whimper. The people in the audience burst into noise and he heard Andrew snort behind him.

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

"I wonder how much of that song is actually true."

 _Everything_ , Neil thought.

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

_How do you want me, how do you want me?_

“You are something so sweet that I would love to destroy.”

When the music calmed down and the instruments all stopped, Neil took the time to turn his face to Andrew, and when he felt his lips were inches from his, he said, “So fucking _do it_.”

“It's not the right time yet.”

Neil would have started a long protest, had he not had to sing again.

_I wanna feel you, I want it all_

_I wanna feel you, I want it all_

He sang low and the guitar gradually increased before exploding in the chorus for the last time.

Neil almost thanked in every possible way when the song ended and he was able to breathe with all the despair contained within him. Andrew pulled away after one last squeeze on Neil's ass and pulled off the bandana with him. The sudden explosion of light and images made Neil close his eyes for a few seconds and blink a few times to adapt.

The audience was cheering desperately and shouting all kinds of incomprehensible things, but none of that was important now.

Neil was panting and, at his side, Andrew said, “Enjoy the rest of the show and your rather prominent erection.”

“You know, two can play a game, Master.”

“Of course. Only one can win, though.”

And with that he walked away and started talking to the audience again, but Neil didn't care enough.

At the moment all he could, and would, do was turn on the autopilot, as he had been doing in the last few shows, and follow the performances only with the background of his mind, which was still enough to do well.

Neil was aware that Andrew wasn’t wrong. Neil _was_ going to get lost in that game or whatever that was, and Andrew would obviously be responsible for his downfall. But it wasn't like he hadn't expected it from the beginning. Furthermore, awareness of the inevitable defeat still didn’t prevent him from going on until he reached it.

Neil wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Andrew wouldn’t waste a single glance in his direction if he had _no intention at all_ with him — whatever it was intended to fuck, marry or kill — so that could prove to be useful.

Sometime after, when they were about to start [ the fifth song ](https://youtu.be/ShQdOf2zAzc) of the night, which would be a cover rather than something original, Neil made up his mind.

_In the middle of a gun fight_

_In the center of a restaurant_

_They say: Come with your arms raised high_

He watched as Andrew sang with his eyes closed in appreciation for the music. _What if_ , Neil thought. At least a dozen things went through his mind, but all he did, for now, was let his intense gaze wander over Andrew.

_Well, they're never gonna get me_

_Like a bullet through a flock of doves_

_To wage this war against your faith in me_

_Your life will never be the same_

_On your mother's eyes_

_Say a prayer_

_Say a prayer_

The music gradually increased the speed and Neil also took the opportunity to get closer, producing the notes on the bass. To his surprise, Kevin met him halfway, also with the guitar playing.

“Dude, you two _need_ to fuck as soon as possible,” he said.

Neil chuckled. “He's probably joking with me and trying to kill me at the same time, that's the only explanation.”

“I don't know, but you guys are making me really miss my boyfriends.”

_Now, but I can't_

_And I don't know_

_How we're just human as God has made us_

_Well I can't, well I can_

“Are you going to him _now_?” Kevin asked.

“Of course.”

“He will kill you if you make him at least breathe wrong during the performance of that song. It's one of his favorites, you know.”

“ _I know_ ,” Neil smiled devilishly, and nodded before walking away from Kevin.

He reached Andrew in no time and saw the curious look when the other man saw him approaching.

_Too much, too late_

_Or just not enough of this_

_Pain in my heart for your dying wish_

_I'll kiss your lips again_

At the moment when Andrew's voice and guitar were the main highlights, Neil parted his lips and got close enough to grind against him while following the lyrics with just the movement of his lips. Close enough to slide his moving mouth over Andrew's cheek.

_My cellmate's a killer_

_They make me do pushups in drag_

_But nobody cares if you're losing yourself, am I losing myself and well_

_I miss my mom!_

_Will they give me the chair?_

_Or lethal injection or swing from a rope if you dare_

_Oh nobody knows all the trouble that I've seen_

Neil increased the pressure of his body against Andrew's but moved away when he had to produce some notes with the bass. He still remained close, however, biting his lip as he played the instrument fiercely.

It would be a lot easier for Andrew to miss the song than it was for Neil because he was singing something much more restless and with virtually no pause to breathe and regain his sanity.

Neil was betting on that.

_Now, but I can't_

_And I don't know_

_How we're just two men as God had made us_

_Well I can't, well I can_

_Too much, too late_

_Or just not enough of this_

_Pain in my heart for your dying wish_

_I'll kiss your lips again_

He was looking deeply at Neil, watching for anything he could do and trying to anticipate everything possible.

In the next moment, voice and guitar were the focus once again, and Neil approached again as well.

_To your room_

_What they ask of you_

_Will make you want to say: So long_

_But I don't remember_

_Why remember?_

He parted his lips and murmured the words of the lyrics again, letting the soft skin of his mouth move against Andrew's cheek as his fingers slowly rose up the back of his neck and clung to the strands of his hair — without pulling, just making himself present.

He pulled away after grinding his body, including his groin, against Andrew one last time, causing the blonde’s pupil to dilate at least four times more.

_Do you have the keys to the hotel?_

_Cause I'm gonna string this motherfucker on fire!_

_Life is but a dream for the dead_

_And well I, I won't go down by myself_

_But I'll go down with my friends_

_Down, down, down, down_

_Down, down, down_

_Down, down, down_

The song ended and Andrew barely finished singing before turning to Neil and growling. Pointing to his own cheek, he said, “Do you have an oral fixation or anything?”

Neil merely smiled, winked and said, “Find out by yourself,” before turning around and making a point of wiggling his hips as he walked.

##  _4\. Chicago, IL_

This time they opted for renting an AirBnB instead of staying in a hotel. It felt more comfortable and pleasant, so they didn't hesitate. Management accepted, as the apartment they rented was about the same price as four different hotel rooms.

The place was nice and neat. The balcony afforded a great view and always had a pleasant breeze, the space was large enough that they could be dispersed throughout the day, and it had three bedrooms, which was more than enough. Renee and Andrew took the single rooms while Kevin and Neil shared the one that had two beds.

For most of the day they didn't do much, just rested, as usual, to get their energy back before the shows. Andrew was probably around somewhere doing vocal exercises — or the complete opposite and had gone out for a smoke —, Kevin was stretching in every possible room in the apartment — but he truly wanted a gym, that was definitely it — and Renee was painting Neil's nails with black nail polish she probably found in Andrew’s stuff.

At some moment during the afternoon, the place was filled with complete silence, as Kevin and Renee had gone out to buy some meal that they could eat before the show. Neil took the time alone to perform his own preparations for the show. He wore gym shorts — which was smaller than it should be, because it was a little old — and a loose crop top and then danced around the apartment to warm up the blood.

He ended up at the sink, washing the few dishes that were dirty there — which was horrible because there was a great risk of damaging his nails — and dancing to the music playing on his phone.

Now, it’s fair to say that Neil doesn’t simply _dance_ to the songs, he actually does a complete performance entitled to choreography, vocals, sound effects and interpretation.

And it was in the middle of one of those ‘performances’ that Andrew arrived at the apartment. He walked in quietly and stopped at the kitchen door, but Neil had very good hearing so of course he noticed.

And suddenly he was very self-aware of the short clothes he was wearing and how much skin he had on display, for the shorts were barely more effective than boxer briefs to cover him. If he tried too hard, he should be able to forget that part of his skin had some scars that were the result of the years before Stuart finally managed to keep Neil under his care. Usually it wouldn't matter to him, and he had no reason to change now. He was born in a violent house and was later raised within a family leading a major criminal organization, _of course_ he had some scars, and it was no big deal.

Regardless of all that, Neil smirked and put his soul into the dance of that song specifically.

Apparently with all the saints in his favor, the music playing now was slow with a boosted chorus — so it was supposed to sound provocative — and he used it to invest in the use of his body. He thrusted his hips, moved his waist and rolled his neck, and reveled in the idea that Andrew didn't move and continued, very likely, watching him.

And if Neil took advantage of that to wrap his hand around a long, cylindrical glass and rub it suggestively, he would never admit it.

"Enjoying the view?" He asked finally.

Against all expectations, Andrew replied, "I am."

"And what do you think of what you are seeing?" Neil smirked.

He didn't risk looking or moving, he just remained in the position he was in, doing what he was doing and hoped it would be enough to expose his body as he wanted.

It should be, because after a few seconds of looking him up and down with a look intense enough for Neil to _feel_ , Andrew moved away from the doorway where he was leaning and walked until he was behind him, his head very close to Neil's. They were close enough that they could feel each other's body heat, but not to touch.

When Andrew breathed, hot against the other man's neck, Neil had to stop washing the dishes and grab the sink's edge tightly. It was honestly stupid how easily he lost control at times, even though there were other times he could take it as long as he wanted.

Neil sighed and tilted his head to the side, closing his eyes. He was waiting for something he knew wouldn’t come, but dreaming usually doesn't cost anything.

Andrew whispered, in a deep voice, "What do you want, Neil?"

Still with his eyes closed, he grinned and replied, “So now it's ‘Neil’? Not ‘sweet boy’ or ‘baby angel’?”

Andrew snorted. "Can I touch you?"

"You totally must do this."

Andrew's hands soon slid around Neil's waist, grazing the bare skin with will and absorbing each firm muscle under his careful palms. He stopped with a firm grip on the other man's sides, close to his hips.

"If I were to call you a pet name now, it would be much less generous than that," he whispered.

“Really? I would love that.”

"Shut up and answer my question."

Neil rolled his eyes. "You know what I want, Andrew."

"What? Now are you ashamed to speak?” His tone of voice indicated that he didn't believe that even for a second.

“The fuck I am,” Neil turned to whisper, “You know I would never be ashamed to say that I want you to fuck me hard and senseless in any way you want.”

"Giving me so much control over you is a little risky, don't you think?"

"No. Not even a bit."

There was a beat of silence.

"What are your fantasies, Neil?"

"There are many, but I've been throwing myself at you for some time now, so why don't you tell me what you've already noticed?"

Andrew hummed at Neil's ear and tightened his grip on his skin.

“Your most striking feature, in addition to the clear attitude problem you have, is exhibitionism. You would like something like that, wouldn't you?”

“I think I could enjoy it, yes. But if you want to be sure of something, do it and find out for yourself.”

They were silent only long enough to hear footsteps approaching in the hall outside the apartment and the sound of the key in the front door lock.

“What impeccable timing. Should I just fuck you up right here and wait for Kevin and Renee to come in and find us like this?”

"Do this, I dare you."

Andrew growled. “You dare shit. Kevin and Renee wouldn't be able to consent to seeing the scene, so I'm not going to do anything. It’s not fair and respectable to them,” he turned away from Neil then. "You're a big boy, so hold your arousal in place, you must be able to do this."

He didn’t wait before turning his back and leaving the kitchen, also leaving a frustrated and half hard Neil behind. He stood with his back to the kitchen door and went back to washing the dishes while trying to calm himself down a bit.

Neil didn't see Andrew again for the rest of the day — which was kinda weird because they were literally in the same apartment — until it was time to go to the arena where the show was going to be that day. They didn't talk, though. Not when they got in the van, not when they were going to the place, not when they got there, or even when spreading out in the backstage to organize for the show. Renee and Kevin noticed the silence between them, but didn't say a word about it.

For today Neil wore something that he, in particular, found quite pleasant and was eager to test that specific set for the first time. The one tight vinyl pants he liked, a slightly loose gray t-shirt, lace-up leather corset belt with straps on both shoulders, an o-ring collar — where he attached a medium-sized thin chain — and a pair of black platform boots not-so-big.

He spent an excessive amount of time admiring himself in the mirror, from different angles and positions, and looking at his reflection from top to bottom. The scars on his arm were completely visible — yes, he constantly wore see-through or fishnet clothes, but these types of fabric still managed to disguise the scarred skin in a way that wasn’t possible now — and Neil moved his arms in front of him to have a broad view of it. _Now that I'm used to it doesn't look so bad_ , he thought.

He ran his hands over the curves of his body that the clothing was accentuating, feeling every bit of muscle and skin covered under his fingers.

Neil liked to dress up, he liked to let people try to interpret him for what he wore — and almost always fail at that, probably — as well as enjoying the chance to express himself openly in a different way than when he traveled to all kinds of places while accompanying Stuart on his work.

After one last thoughtful check, Neil left the room where he was dressing. From what was supposed to be one of the first times, he had been the first to get ready, so he went looking for somewhere open until he found the fire escape, crossed the access window and sat there. The wind was threatening to ruffle the hair he had pulled back, but he stayed there anyway.

There was no special reason for that, he was just waiting for the others and maybe getting some air before going on stage in front of a loud crowd.

"What are you doing here?"

Neil looked slowly in the direction of the voice and found Andrew wearing a black shirt with a striped long-sleeved shirt underneath. The blonde surveyed him whole before fixing his gaze on his face.

"Waiting for you guys," Neil replied. Andrew nodded and leaned over the window frame. "You're really enjoying the whole tour thing, aren't you?"

A beat of silence.

"Perhaps."

"What's your favorite part?"

"The freedom and energy of the stage."

Neil hummed. “Yeah, I like that. I also like the attention.”

Andrew snorted — which, _wow_ — and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I know you like to get the public's full attention," he said.

"Not _that_ attention, you fool," Neil grinned. "My target audience consists of just one person."

" _Ugh,_ awful," Andrew made a face and turned his back to leave.

Neil laughed as he walked away and crossed the window back into the backstage space. This time he went to wait near the entrance to the stage, peering outside to see the people gathered in a full audience. That stream of excitement ran through him.

"Hey, Neil, I like your boots," Kevin called to him, coming over to peek too.

“Thanks. Andrew hasn't seen me standing with these platforms yet, he will hate to be the band's official dwarf.”

"Fuck off," Andrew mumbled from some distance.

Both Neil and Kevin laughed.

Renee and Andrew were the last two to approach. The four of them exchanged pre-show greetings and waited until the band's intro started playing on the arena screens. They went into the dark to take their positions and the last thing Neil heard before changing his focus for the next performances was Andrew’s deep, low, "Give me your worst, baby angel."

Neil winced from head to toe and his chin almost fell, but luckily it was not visible in the darkness they were in.

Kevin started [ the song ](https://youtu.be/11ZylR0iNi8) with the guitar. He played a few chords and it sent shivers down Neil's spine at the indication of the official start of yet another show.

_I'm gonna make you bend and break_ **(It sent you to me without wait)**

_Say a prayer, but let the good times roll_

_In case God doesn't show_ **(Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)**

Andrew's voice was deep and Neil smirked thinking for the umpteenth time that that voice must be a kink or something for him. He couldn't move around the stage because that song had some backing vocals and he couldn't risk going out and not going back to the microphone stand in time to complement it with his own voice.

As the momentum of the song developed, Andrew became more invested while singing and helping Kevin with the guitar. He had his head down and his mouth almost glued to the microphone, moving his fingers along the strings and not missing a single note or part of the lyrics.

Verse came, verse went, the stage lights were illuminating them perfectly. He heard thousands of people following the lyrics and grinned at some people in the audience. Neil received screams in response and several phrases shouted in the wind that — unfortunately — barely reached him.

_One night and one more time_

_Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great_

_He tastes like you, only sweeter_

_One night, yeah, and one more time_

_Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories_

_See, he tastes like you, only_ **_sweeter,_ ** _oh_

When Andrew prolonged the _‘oh’_ at the end of the chorus, Neil had to take a deep breath. Really deep. _This man is going to be the death of me and he knows it, the son of a bitch,_ Neil thought. He looked away for the other man only to find that he was already being watched back.

Icy blue and golden hazel eyes in the bright spotlight of a fierce stage.

The excessive noise of people and instruments was an explosion and Neil was consumed. _He drowned._

For a moment he thought he was dissociating, probably experiencing something extra-corporeal. It was a very big, strong and overwhelming feeling, he surrendered to that immediately.

_My fucking death._

The chorus had been agitated — which, by the way, was always good for Neil, who liked to witness Andrew’s stage presence a little more in these more intense moments — and now they had returned to a quieter spot with just a little bit of instrumental to anticipate Andrew's voice once again.

_Been looking forward to the future_

_But my eyesight is going bad_

_In these crystal balls_

_It's always cloudy except for_ **(except for)**

 _When you look into the past_ **(look into the past)**

_One night stand_

**_(One night stand)_ **

Andrew was still looking at him and Neil had no idea why. ( _By the way, what the fuck? Does this man have three brains? How the hell does he manage to sing, play the guitar and watch Neil at the same time? Fucking insane._ )

It was an intense and charged look, it was giving chills on every part of his body for some unfortunately unknown reason, since he did not know the intention or motivation of that sudden stare. Neil tried to question why with his eyes, but Andrew paid no attention to the attempt. That's because he was too focused on something else that made his gaze run all over Neil's body, and it was killing him not to know exactly what it was.

His blood was vibrating and boiling at the same time, and at that moment, with everything going on around them, it seemed that Andrew being strangely intense in that way was what was keeping him composed at the same time that it was shattering him completely. _It doesn't make sense at all._

Neil tried to act as naturally as he could, he lowered his head and kept his gaze fixed on the bass, shaking his head to the beat of the music, just before doing the same with his entire body.

They repeated the chorus and this time Andrew turned his body to face the audience completely — who were shouting the lyrics and a lot of incomprehensible things — as well as bringing the mouth very close to the microphone while singing vigorously and fiercely.

Neil lifted his head and smirked to some people in the audience. He managed to make a _‘rearrange my guts you hot motherfucker’_ out of the many phrases that were violently shouted at him. It only made Neil smile even more.

The tempo of the song slowed down for the next chorus, and Andrew released the guitar to hold one hand steady on the microphone and the other on the metal bar of the stand.

_I only think in the form of crunching numbers_

_In hotel rooms, collecting page six lovers_

_Get me out of my mind_

_Get you out of those clothes_

_I'm a liner away_

_From getting you into the mood_

_Whoa_

Andrew was in that state where he was electrified enough to look ready to go dancing on stage. That's probably exactly why he was moving around widely, jumping around and things like that.

When they finished that song, Andrew threw his head back, exhaled through his mouth and arranged his hair with his fingers. Neil died a little with that scene. He looked away at the audience spread across the arena.

Finally, he moved out of the place and walked to the front of the stage while Andrew talked to the people present. Neil handed out some high-fives, little punches and handshakes to people in the front rows, taking care not to fall in the meantime.

He was bent forward to hear something a person was saying, and when he straightened up, Andrew's gaze was fixed on him again.

This time Neil was determined to go to him and ask _what the fuck he kept looking at_. That's what he did. But halfway through, Andrew caught up with him, and with a discreet movement, grabbed the chain attached to his collar with one hand, wrapped the loose end in his hand, and gave a tug that propelled Neil forward, towards the blonde.

With a few inches between them, Andrew looked at Neil's body and whispered, "I like today's outfit."

Neil was wide-eyed by the sudden gesture, but he was quick to smirk and relax his expression.

"I know you do, after all I'm a _hot motherfucker_ ," he replied, smug dripping from his voice.

Andrew rolled his eyes, pulled the collar chain again, and raised a defiant eyebrow to match his scolding expression. Neil didn't have time to answer anything, however. Without waiting for anything, Andrew turned his back and started walking across the stage.

There are some details that are important to mention about this moment.

First, the audience was _wild as fuck_. Screaming their lungs out, hitting any possible object to make a lot of noise, raising their arms and doing anything to attract attention and cause chaos. This was really insane.

And second, Andrew didn’t release the chain when he started walking again.

He didn’t do this and, consequently, dragged Neil across the stage, making him accompany him to the point where the central microphone was.

Naturally, Neil went on willingly. He still didn't know what the reason was, but he liked it already.

"The next song is a cover, because I like the idea of extolling the band to which the song originally belongs as much as is humanly possible," Andrew spoke into the microphone, still holding the chain around his wrist.

Renee started [ the song ](https://youtu.be/LGi7Uk7ikgY) on the drums with an increasing beat and after a few successions Kevin accompanied with the guitar. Andrew still didn’t let Neil go.

"You must not leave my side until I authorize you to do that, okay?" he said and waited for Neil's response, which was obviously positive. "Share the microphone with me for backing vocals."

**Check, check**

**Check, check**

**Check check check check check check check**

**Check check**

_Whoa_

_It's unbelievable to see_

_We're dead flies in the summer time_

_They leave us all behind_

_With duck tape scars on my hiney_

_They don't like who you are_

_You won't like where well go_

_Brother protect me now_

_With blood they wash in the money_

Neil didn't know what to think about that. Sharing the microphone with Andrew meant that they were very close, that their faces were close, that they were sharing the same space... He didn't know how to react.

The proximity was immeasurable and he felt as though every cell in him was being attracted to Andrew's entire body. Neil was finding it increasingly difficult to resist the urge to kneel at Andrew's feet and offer literally anything as long as that man paid the least attention to him.

Neil had to look down because it gave him a chance to duck his head and deflect all the magnitude that was Andrew's presence beside him.

_This man is going to kill me without even trying, this man is going to kill me without even trying, this man is going to kill me without even trying._

_You don't believe in god_

_I don't believe in luck_

_They don't believe in us_

_But I believe in the enemy_

_Not if I do something before,_ Neil thought. He lifted his head, looked at Andrew and smirked.

_You don't believe in god_

_I don't believe in luck_

_They don't believe in us_

_But I believe in the enemy_

When the instruments stopped and Renee's repeated drum beat was the only thing that remained, Andrew was going to continue with the vocals, but Neil took the lead. He approached the microphone with a devilish look in Andrew's direction and began to moan the post-chorus vocals. The hard and heavy way he was looked back at and the deafening shouts from the audience were enough to encourage him further.

Neil held up both hands to hold the microphone stand, lean over and intensify his moans.

He felt the blood boiling and fierce through his veins, he was vibrating at that very moment, with a big fucking grin on his lips.

Kevin was wide-eyed and Renee was laughing when Neil finally stepped away from the microphone — not without first giggling at Andrew.

It earned him a tug on the collar chain, but whatever Andrew was trying to do with it, it just made Neil smile even more.

And the show had to go on, so the blonde didn't have much time to do anything with him.

_Sit down from the boast of the other side_

_We're not where insects hide_

_Hang rats on the street in another life_

_They laugh, we don't think it's funny_

_What you are it's just what you own_

_What have you become when they take from you_

_Almost everything_

Andrew sang again with even more ferocity than Neil thought possible. He really seemed ready to jump on someone or reduce a person with nothing more than words.

This was incredible, if Neil had to be honest.

And his favorite part, in particular, was that Andrew didn't let go of the chain for even a second. He didn't even seem to be considering the idea. In fact, the grip only became more and more tight and firm, and it was driving Neil crazy.

The blank expression that Andrew occasionally addressed to him sent chills down his spine. Neil was almost shaking. He bit his lower lip and took a deep breath.

Andrew practically _shouted_ the chorus again, and seeing him energized like that made a big dose of adrenaline hit Neil with full impact. He was blinded by the lights, deafened by the sounds and all he could do was feel the music and the moment. He felt everything, tingling his skin and penetrating his bones. It was synesthesia in the only way he knew it.

_Destroya, destroya, destroya, destroya, destroya, destroya_

_I guess there sunk, we're the enemy_

_Destroya, destroya, destroya, destroya_

And again the chorus before calming the instruments to the same vocals as before.

Neil smirked and this time Andrew noticed. He raised the same defiant eyebrow that this time clearly said, ‘do that shit again, I fucking dare you.’

Unfortunately, for him, Neil loved challenges.

This time he did it differently, however.

He lowered his head and rested his forehead on Andrew's shoulder. It was then that he started to moan the post-chorus vocals again. He really did it _so loud_ , to the point that the microphone was able to capture the sound even though he wasn't exactly close to the device. And as he went on, he also increased the intensity, ending with a dragged groan under Andrew's earlobe.

He received screams, applause and laughter for the little show, but the only thing that interested him was the look darkened by the lust of the man beside him. Golden eyes became a few shades darker thanks to the obvious desire filling his veins.

Andrew sang again with _fury._

Neil winced slightly at the sound, but nothing could remove the smile from his face.

When they finished that song, Neil was panting and Andrew looked at him like he was thinking of all kinds of humanly unacceptable things right now.

Neil smirked, licked his lips and, looking at Andrew's mouth, said, “So? Are you going to do something about it or are you _too weak_? ”

He was fucking damned when the only thing he received in response was Andrew simply letting go of the chain and not deigning to say anything other than, "I expected more."

And he literally burned with those words as they were said along with the light twitch at the corners of Andrew's lips.

##  _5\. Atlanta, GA_

Neil was in a particularly good mood today. He really was. For no particular reason but that’s fine, it was still valid. They were at the sound test, and Kevin and he were making fun of each other incessantly, making a contest of who could sing Nicki Minaj's rap verses better. Renee was the judge — although they occasionally pissed off some other employee who was passing by to ask who was better — and she was taking the job as seriously as possible.

Basically the only reason they were doing this was because every time Andrew rolled his eyes at them it was completely worth it — for Kevin and Neil, at least; Renee just accompanied them in all types of bullshit and it was no different now. The final score was three for Neil and two for Kevin and there is no need to say that Neil bragged about it a lot, right?

Their next game was to turn any pop song Andrew didn't like into rock — just a few excerpts from the songs and as fast as they could to not waste time — and wait to see his face contort in disgust. Neil sang the excerpt _'I used to hold my freak back, now I'm letting go; I make my own choice, bitch, I run this show, so leave the lights on; no, you can't make me behave’_ from the song Confident and _‘don't you stand there staring, honey, try to move your feet; if you think they looking at you, they looking at me; I can make it nice and easy, I'mma take the lead; they ain't even looking at you, baby, they looking at me’_ from Looking At Me, while Kevin sang the entire chorus of Barbie Girl and Macarena. Andrew was definitely having the time of his life, Neil could tell.

He was having _so much fun_ that by the time they finished doing the bare minimum of the sound test, Andrew told all three to go backstage and leave him alone to finish the vocal exercises and the sound tests himself.

Kevin and Neil high-fived each other for having managed to annoy Andrew enough, and Renee rolled her eyes good-naturedly at both of them. One would say that their dynamics as a band and friends was great — Andrew probably wouldn't say that even if he was paid, but deep down, he probably knew that if that wasn't true they wouldn't even be together today, even more doing a long tour such as this one.

Once they were backstage, Neil was too uneasy to sit around waiting for the time to officially go on stage with the start of the show.

"You guys should let me choose your outfit today," he said, then.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" Kevin deadpanned.

"Because a) I am very good at this and b) I am bored."

"I don't know if I trust you to do this."

Neil pouted. "I'm not going to overdo, Kev, why wouldn't you trust me?"

But Kevin did nothing more than take a look at him and remain adamant.

"If I agree with that, will you let me choose your outfit back?" Renee asked, raising an eyebrow at Neil.

"But I already brought what I'm going to wear."

And that was true. The band's organizing team always made some sets of clothing available for each of them, but Neil never wore that. He would always buy and use his own things, ignoring the other options.

"But you know the team has clothes for you anyway," Renee argued. That was also true.

"Will you promise me that you will try hard and not choose some basic shit?"

"Of course, you know."

"Alright, then."

Renee smiled. "My dressing room is the third door on the left."

“Mine is the last door. See you later."

Neil practically skipped over to where Renee had indicated and as soon as he entered he went straight to the clothes rack. Most of the options were dresses and overalls — which made sense, because it was what Renee wore most, anyway — and with a color palette that consisted basically of black, white and different shades of purple.

It was all very nice, and in the end Neil settled for a very loose crop top with long sleeves striped in purple and black, high waisted shorts and boots with knee-high plain black socks. It was pretty easy in the end, but unfortunately that also meant it took little time.

Renee, on the other hand, didn’t want to let Neil see what she had chosen until it was time to dress. _How boring._

The three of them didn't see Andrew at all until the moment he came up in the middle of backstage mumbling about starting to get ready and all the usual stuff.

Finally, having seen the clothes he would wear today, Neil pouted because it was too simple. Loose black tank top, dug on the sides — enough to see part of the skin of his torso —, skinny jeans torn just in the right places and platform combat boots. After a long time looking in the mirror with frowns, Neil took off his shirt, took a white eyeliner from the makeup case that was next to the mirror and tried not to get it wrong while writing 'bunny' in a more or less elegant handwriting on the middle of the fabric. Since the eyeliner was liquid, it was easier than one would think, and it didn't even look that bad. He put on makeup spray and smiled contentedly as he put the shirt back on.

When he left and Renee first glanced at him, she raised a questioning eyebrow.

"The outfit was in need of a special touch," Neil said, shrugging.

"It's okay if you think so but, believe me, I knew what I was doing when I chose this outfit for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Just wait and you'll see," Renee smiled.

“Um, alright. Your outfit looks great on you, just like I thought it would look.”

"Thank you."

They started chatting a bit and walked together to where Kevin was sitting in a chair in front of the mirror.

As they approached and sat down beside the guitarist, Kevin looked up, patted Neil on the thighs and said, "Damn this outfit is unexpectedly hot."

"It is?" Neil frowned lightly.

“Mmhm. You have a fine body, and these pants are tight just in the right places on your legs and hips.”

“Watch out, Kev, it might look like you're into me,” he ran his fingers through Kevin's hair and scratched his scalp.

"And your arms," Andrew's voice cut before anyone else spoke.

"What?" Neil tilted his head when he looked at him doubtfully.

“Legs, hips and arms. This is what your outfit highlights," the blonde gritted his teeth and the gesture slightly highlighted his jaw, "You should wear a tank top more often, if you are comfortable. I like your arms.”

Neil was almost certain that he was blushing. Sometimes he hated being so responsive. The previous conversation with Renee finally clicked on his head and he looked at her, who was smiling with an ‘I told you’ expression. _Blessed be Renee Walker._

"Thank you very much, dear," Neil smirked. "Do you want me to say what I like about you too?"

"No, I’m good."

"What a pity."

“Yeah, of course. Get ready to go on stage.”

They did. And they went on stage perfectly as always. And, also, Neil was able to almost immediately notice the slight difference in Andrew's behavior as soon as he started singing.

He was excited — or as close to that as Andrew could get — and that feeling became clear to Neil from the moment Andrew started singing [ the first song ](https://youtu.be/GBRAnuT48qo).

**S-P-I-R-I-T**

**Spirit**

**Let's hear it**

**S-P-I-R-I-T**

**Spirit**

**Let's hear it**

**Let's go**

_I've had enough_

_There's a voice in my head_

_Says I'm better off dead_

_But if I sing along_

_A little fucking louder_

_To a happy song_

_I'll be alright_

Neil was focused on the bass but it was still impossible to ignore the spark that burned in Andrew's eyes just like a flame that gradually grew as he began to absorb the audience's reaction along with satisfaction with himself for the already successful performance.

At times like this Neil really thought about what all of that — music, the band, shows, a satisfied audience — meant to Andrew, how he somehow managed to make it all positive for himself. That was good, very good indeed.

Andrew's movements were hypnotic to say the least while he just kept up with Kevin's heavy guitar rhythm, which was standing out from the other instruments. During the planning of the show today, Andrew suggested and everyone agreed, that he should stick mostly to the vocal today and leave his guitar only for the background and if it was really necessary. They could manage only with Kevin's guitar, Neil's bass and Renee's drums without any problems.

So, yeah, today Andrew was much more free and open to invest in energetic movements while singing. And that would fucking kill Neil anytime soon.

_You want to give up_

_Gave it all that you've got_

_And it still doesn't cut_

_But if you sing along_

_A little fucking louder_

_To a happy song_

_You'll be just fine cause_

Andrew's voice was just that little bit gravellier and throatier and it sounded so good to Neil. He pushed his body forward a little and a few strands of blond hair followed the gesture and spread across his face. The stage lighting made his hair golden, his skin sparkling and every little movement he made intensely noticeable. 

In that place, and at that moment, he was _gold._

 _Agathokakological_ was the word that popped into Neil's mind; derived from ancient greek, that meant composed of both good and evil, and honestly, it wasn’t like there was a better definition for Andrew then. The energy he radiated was that little bit of too much, making Neil's knees go weak. His eyes were fixed on Andrew and couldn’t be anywhere else. On anyone else.

With each passing day, whatever he felt for Andrew seemed to increase more, and more, like a pressure right on his chest. It was devastating, while at the same time that it was overwhelming and stunning. More, and more he _wanted, wanted and wanted._

Sometimes, Neil just wanted Andrew to say _no_ to him already. Things would be easier this way, because while Andrew doesn’t do that, Neil would only keep insisting in trying to tease and flirt with Andrew, as he took this silence and eventual exchange back as a quiet ‘come on, show me more’. But, if he ever denied Neil that, Neil would turn around and stop every move, because no matter what he was feeling, if Andrew said _no_ then it would be _no_.

But Andrew not only didn’t say no, as he often also returned some of Neil’s advances, even if only ever so slightly.

That said, sometimes he just didn't know what to do and thought it would be easier if Andrew just said what he wanted, instead of being a fucking tease who didn’t make his intentions clear.

_Every now and again we get that feeling_

_And the great big void inside us opens up_

_And I really wish that you could help_

_But my head is like a carousel and_

_I'm going round in circles, going round in circles_

**S-P-I-R-I-T**

**Spirit**

**Let's hear it**

**S-P-I-R-I-T**

**Spirit**

**Let's hear it**

Andrew was singing with his eyes closed, and despite how loud his voice was sounding, his presence seemed nothing more than serene and soft. And that was a good thing, because Andrew's energy during the shows always got to the rest of the band, so they needed him to be in the best frame of mind whenever possible.

Neil was in the middle of the backing vocal when — while he was staring at him — he saw Andrew direct his gaze to him and stare back at him. And then, once again, he saw an intense and unusual glow in those eyes, golden like hellish fire.

There was a moment when they just looked at each other and then, against all odds, Andrew did _the thing._

_We are possessed_

_We're all fucked in the head_

_Alone and depressed_

_But if we sing along_

_A little fucking louder_

_To a happy song_

_Maybe we'll forget cause_

The moment he started singing, it was practically a whisper and a little slow, causing goosebumps on the back of Neil's neck. This was also the moment when Andrew ground his hips against the microphone stand.

He made that move — which should be considered _deadly_ — where he propelled his body just a little forward, throwed his head back ever so slightly and moved his waist to produce the final grinding-against-the-microphone blow. Neil almost missed the bass note thanks to the surprise but recovered just in time.

Andrew was now looking at him. Explicitly. There was no doubt that he was _looking directly at Neil_ and holding his gaze while grinding against the microphone stand again. In slow motion.

 _Oh my fucking god,_ Neil thought.

He felt something in the low of his belly, a sensation that seemed to be spinning his insides and exploding right in the middle of his chest. Neil's soul was momentarily stunned out of his body. Part of his skin started to tingle and immediately heated up.

Kevin's loaded guitar was too perfect a background for that image. And the contrast between the moment when Andrew's voice was kinda calm and light to the moment when it was thick and a bit guttural was really something to take into account.

Neil was definitely getting weaker.

_Every now and again we get that feeling_

_And the great big void inside us opens up_

_And I really wish that you could help_

_But my head is like a carousel and_

_I'm going round in circles, going round in circles_

Neil rolled his neck because he needed to stretch in some way. He took a deep breath and was feeling more and more the pressure that wanted to push him towards Andrew.

Neil had done so many things to draw attention to himself so far, and nothing seemed to have gone at least remotely right, but it’s obvious that in the opposite situation it was enough for Andrew to do just a _little thing_ for Neil to get completely lost.

And Andrew continued to do so. He continued to move his hips ever so slightly and grind against the microphone stand. He was slowly driving Neil crazy, that was for sure.

_Don't wake us up_

_We'd rather just keep dreaming_

_Cause the nightmares in our heads are bad enough_

_And I really wish that you could help_

_But my head is like a carousel_

_And I'm going round in circles, I'm going round in circles_

Right there and right then, it wasn't like it was possible to remember the entire audience in front of them. Of course, in the abstract, Neil could hear their screams, be it incoherent comments, full-on vocals screams or people following the lyrics. He could hear it all with the back of his mind but his brain didn't exactly register completely. Andrew was his focus. He probably wouldn't be able to look or focus elsewhere if he wanted to. And he obviously didn't want to.

Shamefully, Neil was sure his mouth was slightly open. And his throat was certainly dry. Andrew must have noticed this whole set of reactions from him or whatsoever, because he nodded and signaled Neil to approach.

Naturally, the latter panicked for a few quick seconds, but then he went almost on automatic towards Andrew.

_The world has coalesced_

_Into one giant mess of hate and unrest_

The blonde was singing softly, with his mouth so, so close to the microphone and staring at Neil as he approached.

_So let's sing along_

_A little goddamn louder_

_To a happy song and pretend it's all okay_

Neil got close enough to be almost glued to him but not touching Andrew yet. Their eyes were locked on each other. Blue against gold in a violent daze that made Neil’s head spin.

At this point they already imagined that they were getting a lot more attention than usual, if the screams almost deafening both said something. Renee was smiling too, Neil noticed from his peripheral vision.

**Let's go**

As the sound of Kevin's powerful guitar fell over them, Andrew wasted no time in bringing his mouth to Neil’s ear and whispering, "Kneel."

Simple as that, as if it were the most peaceful thing in the world.

For half a second Neil mused about how he should win an _impeccable bass player_ award, because even though he was subjected to this kind of thing that completely disrupted and shook him, he kept playing impeccably.

But he didn't take long at that, because it wasn't worth it. Not while facing the proposal he had just received. So, less than five seconds after Andrew told the order, Neil was kneeling beside him.

"Can I touch your hair?" Andrew asked, covering the microphone with one hand and leaning in Neil's direction.

"Yes."

_Sing along_

_Let's sing along_

_A little fucking louder_

_A little fucking louder_

_Well don't you feel so much better_

Andrew's fingers were tangled in the auburn strands of Neil's hair. Initially he was just petting Neil’s head. The audience was screaming vigorously, shouting at the top of their lungs nothing exactly understandable.

Honestly? Neil understood them completely. He was feeling quite that way himself.

He looked up at Andrew and took relief from the point of contact between them. Neil was in heaven, seeing stars behind his eyes as he felt the harsh bass strings sliding down his fingertips and the voice of thousands of people shouting, singing, talking.

As Andrew fussed over singing, he also tightened his grip on Neil's hair and pulled a little. Neil was sure that he was melting now. He probably was, that was the explanation. His scalp was burning a little but it was so, so good.

Andrew was kinda taking turns pulling and stroking Neil's hair, and handling his head from side to side with the tight grip on the auburn strands as well. It was so fucking good that Neil was almost out of this world.

When he finished that song verse, Andrew yanked Neil up, looked deep into his eyes and, covering the microphone again, said, "Good slut."

By a very big miracle, Neil's head didn't explode right in the middle of that stage. They were close, close enough that the foreheads were almost together, and oh how Neil _wanted, wanted and wanted._ But all he did was look back at Andrew while he still had his own hair stroked by the blond man.

He would have continued just that way, but they had a show to keep going.

Clearing his throat and moving a little forward, Neil approached Andrew's microphone and shared the device with him while they sang the last part of that song.

**S-P-I-R-I-T, spirit**

**Let's hear it**

_(Well that's the spirit)_

**S-P-I-R-I-T, spirit**

**Let's hear it**

(Yeah, that's the spirit)

When he was returning to his place on the stage, Neil was seriously stunned and dizzy with everything, thinking a lot about how Andrew was slowly — or not really slow — driving him crazy.

He idly wondered how long that game would last.

##  _6\. Manhattan, NY_

Six days, that was the answer. Six days was the time Neil managed to endure before he completely collapsed. He didn't even know what the trigger was for the desire to become as uncontrollable lust as was the case now, but at some point it did happen.

And to make Neil's situation even worse, on today's show Andrew was particularly provocative. Like, _as fuck._ He had even lost count of how many times he almost lost his shit because of the blonde one.

At least now they were closer to the end of the show. Neil just needed to hold on a little longer. Just a little more and soon he could go to the hotel room to breathe. And at some point he would need to talk to Andrew about all this, yeah. But later. Just later.

However, obviously things wouldn’t work out as he expected, so by now he was beginning to pointedly avoid his gaze from falling on Andrew. Whenever he could, he would look away or just close his eyes. Anything not to have Andrew's image before him, because he really didn't want to lose the rest of the sanity that was still in his head.

He looked elsewhere instead. He looked at Kevin, smiling as he interacted with some people in the front rows of the audience. Neil walked over to where he was and mostly pissed him off and interacted with other people too. At some point they even invested in making a nice performance when they were playing their guitar and bass parts together.

By the time that song was finally over and they were heading for the last one before the show ended, Neil and Kevin were laughing at the things that were being shouted at them and responding to the best ones.

Not very fortunately, Neil could feel Andrew's gaze on him, burning every bit of his skin and making his blood boil and freeze at the same time, so big was the short circuit he was entering. But he stayed firmly in place. He kept his back to Andrew, no matter how much he just wanted to turn and drown in his golden eyes.

When the last song started, he sighed in relief and got a curious look from Kevin for that, but Neil just ignored it.

[ The song ](https://youtu.be/JYs8bHdqMoc) started with a small guitar solo performed by Kevin, and then Neil and Renee went along to give the right opening to Andrew's voice

_I can't remember what it feels like_

_Seems you should've known the rules_

_I think I'm never gonna find my way_

By now Andrew had probably already realized that Neil was kinda avoiding him, and maybe Kevin too, if the shit-eating grin on his lips meant anything.

"Problems in paradise?" He whispered, making sure to position himself well enough for Neil to see his lips and understand what he was saying even though he didn't quite hear.

“Fuck off, Kevin. I'm great. Everything is great.”

“Oh, really? Alright then.”

And Neil _just knew._ He was close enough with Kevin to know that that mischievous expression on his face obviously meant something.

_Slowly coming from the rear, I feel I've never had a thought so real_

_This time, I'll find myself a quiet place_

"He's looking at you, aren’t you gonna do anything today?" Kevin raised an eyebrow.

Neil rolled his eyes without any actual heat in the gesture and moved a little closer to him, "Mm... Why, should I?"

He was aware that he was close to Kevin, very close, but he didn't regret or mind it.

Kevin noticed it too, and he rolled his eyes back in answer. "I see what you’re doing, Josten."

"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything. You said that yourself."

"Let’s not pretend I don’t know you..."

Neil grinned, still very close to Kevin, "You're the one saying this."

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg_

Andrew's first guttural came after a really badass guitar play — bless Kevin — and it caused Neil's spine to get intensely tingly. For real, for a moment he thought he was leaving his own body, the sensation was creeping and running under all his skin.

He delighted in every scream that came directly from Andrew's throat during the chorus of the song, each one piercing his skin and settling right on top of his bones, conquering every part of Neil, making him stay airy and steady electrical currents run through his body.

Andrew was such an intense and vibrant presence. Neil had his eyes closed to better absorb the details of this situation and still be able to focus on the bass. When he finally opened them again, Kevin had a knowing look in his direction, along with a smirk.

With each new guttural of Andrew, Neil's knees got a little weaker and he even jerked at some point, but managed to stabilize himself.

"I think you may need a little help?" Kevin whispered.

"Don't you dare do anything, I swear to god..." Neil replied, because, again, he knew the devilish look on Day’s face.

But saying that didn't help much, so Neil promptly decided to roll his eyes and go over to the drums instead. Renee wouldn’t be so talkative as Kevin, because she needed to focus a little more on the drums, but he had no problem with that.

Andrew gave the last scream of the first chorus and this time Neil shivered with something like a breeze over his body. Renee saw it and gave a small smile in his direction, nothing else.

_I poke the needles under your skin_

_Tastes like blasphemy and treason_

_Know you're never getting far away_

Now it was more difficult for Andrew to watch Neil, since he was behind him instead of in front, and the blonde needed to keep his eye on the audience, so he just let Neil out of his sight. Neil thanked the universe for that. He already had a set of reactions intense enough going on, he didn't need to add _‘being constantly burned by the fire in Andrew’s gaze’_ to the list.

For a moment Neil mentally debated with himself whether he should take this opportunity to look at Andrew, to finally watch and observe him, or whether he should avoid him and try not to lose his mind at all costs.

He lost that discussion. He looked at Andrew.

_See hope fading out of your eyes_

_This time the pain is gonna feel unreal_

_I think you're gonna be some easy prey_

And Andrew had sweat covering his body, messy hair falling on his face, strong hands held on the microphone stand and his body moving energetically as he sang. The audience was following him, they were being infected by his ecstasy.

It was at that moment that Neil _knew_ he had fucked up.

He was immediately mesmerized by Andrew and barely managed to close his mouth which he had opened just a little out of sheer admiration. He was dizzy and mesmerized.

In the time during the instrumental preceding the second chorus, Andrew took the microphone from the stand and carried it with him as he walked to the front of the stage, close to where some water bottles were spread out in case they needed it. He wasn't carrying the guitar right now — all the songs that needed his guitar were already over — and with his free hand he bent down and opened one of the bottles.

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg motherfucker_

_Beg_

And then he started making a mess of water at the same time he started with the guttural chorus. He threw water in all directions and most of it fell over people in the audience, but not everything. A good deal fell over Andrew himself.

He didn't stop there. No, he didn’t.

He took another bottle and did the same thing. He opened bottle after bottle and threw water everywhere nonstop. Obviously the result of this was that Andrew himself got considerably wet. His shirt, hair, skin and part of his pants had water splashed all around, but at least it wasn't enough for Neil to go completely insane.

Not yet, at least.

It only lasted until Andrew sang the chorus the last three times and the song ended, because at that moment Kevin was free, and he took two bottles of water and made a beeline to Andrew.

Neil, who without realizing he was walking towards the blonde like he was hypnotized and just needed to get closer soon, was close enough to hear when Kevin said, "You forgot this place," and then spilled the water all over Andrew’s torso.

Kevin's look was playful and amused, Andrew's was annoyed and displeased, and Neil was fucked.

Andrew's black T-shirt stuck to his body in a way that marked every line and curve of his muscles, and a few drops of water dripped down his pale skin as well, tracing the paths Neil only wishes he could trace with his lips.

Kevin walked away the moment he saw Neil approaching, with a smirk stamping his mouth. Andrew also saw Neil, and they were both panting hard after the long show.

As soon as their eyes met and locked on each other, Neil knew with certainty that he had lost. He swallowed, took a deep breath, and took three long steps toward Andrew.

The world was spinning and it looked a lot more in slow motion than it actually was. Neil's throat was tightening and burning with the words flowing into it. Andrew was staring at him when he licked his lips, finally less than a step away from the blonde.

The restless blue eyes ran over Andrew's face before Neil said, "Drew, I can't do this anymore..."

"What is it, Josten?" He asked, raising his head just that little bit to reaffirm his posture more than anything else.

The stage was a little dark, between the end of the last song and the band's farewell before leaving the stage. They were listening to the audience applauding and shouting, raising light sticks or their own hands, but that was just a background.

Neil licked his lips again, clearly nervous.

"I really, really want to kiss you," he said, on a long breath.

“Mm. Do it then,” Andrew seemed both encouraging and challenging at the same time, and Neil didn't know what to make of that.

"Wait, what," he frowned and his face started to burn. "Are you serious?"

"Am I?"

"Andrew—," he sighed heavily. Frustrated? Nervous? Both? "Andrew, can I kiss you?"

Neil practically spat out the entire sentence at once and started to shift from one leg to the other while waiting for an answer. Andrew looked him up and down. He knew that Kevin and Renee were also watching even in the dark of the stage. Neil himself was almost shaking.

With every second that passed without an answer, he felt closer to opening a hole in the ground and going in there to hide, or something like that.

"Yes, however are you sure this is the best place?"

"Fuck, as long as you are devouring me anywhere is the best place," Neil all but muttered the phrase before gripping his own bass firmly with both hands and moving forward and against Andrew's lips.

It wasn't exactly a _big kiss,_ it was more like a violent and long peck, but Neil could already feel his cells heating and vibrating all at once. For a moment he was sure he was floating or high on some drug that left him beyond the limit of excitement.

The butterflies in Neil's stomach probably became dragons spitting out huge, untamed flames, but he wouldn't pay attention to that until later. Now there was Andrew's mouth, and his warmth, their proximity, the electricity between them...

Neil felt like he could jump out of sheer joy because, _shit, that was fucking something._ _That was an advance, wasn't it?_

Andrew's hands didn't touch him, nor Neil's hands touched Andrew, and they didn't intend to spend much time on that because, after all, they were still on a stage in front of many people.

As if on cue, the stage lights went on right at that moment, and if Neil said he just froze in place he would probably be underestimating his own reaction.

The audience had a very sudden almost silent moment that lasted about ten seconds exactly and it was time for Andrew and Neil to split up quickly, then they started screaming loudly.

Kevin was laughing hard, and Neil really wanted to roll his eyes and curse him, but he was a little too entertained by Andrew's look, which was now also filled with something very similar to what Neil himself was feeling.

"You never really give up on stealing my spotlight, do you?" Andrew asked, his voice low and hoarse.

It is inexplicable how relieving it was for Neil. He expected Andrew to be angry, annoyed, disappointed or whatever, but not... _entertained?_

How good he was wrong.

Neil smirked in reply, added, "I already said whose is the only attention that interests me," and didn’t wait for any remark before turning around and all but parading away from Andrew.

He approached Kevin and, for his own good, ignored all the people shouting around them. He himself was already shouting too much inside his own head. Neil was also almost tripping over his own feet thanks to the swirling confusion that was on his mind at the time.

"Management is going to go crazy," Kevin was grinning insanely when Neil finally got close enough.

“Tell me about it. At least it's not in your ass that they’re gonna stick.”

"Thank God."

Andrew was giving the standard farewell speech and pretending, perfectly, that nothing had just happened.

The four of them withdrew together from the stage and, as soon as they all approached the exit, Renee patted Neil's arm playfully.

"You two are impossible and unbelievable," she said, giggling.

The auburn-haired man laughed and shrugged in a false innocent expression.

Andrew, on the other hand, didn’t say a word. Not even when they were saying goodbye to the employees. Not even when they were picking up things before they arranged to go out the back with the help of the security team. Not even when they actually left and were returning to the hotel where they were staying.

Every now and then he cast a look in Neil's direction, who was complaining that Renee — sitting on his lap for no other reason than to utterly annoy Neil — was going to make his legs weak before Andrew had a chance to do that.

He didn't know what to think or deduce from the _little_ attention he was getting from the blonde, he didn't know what the kiss meant, and he could just go crazy now.

Renee's phone vibrated in her pocket and it startled Neil enough that he almost dropped her off his lap. She fished the device and, peeking from behind her arm, he saw it open in some chat to see the message that had just arrived.

"Oh, they were quick," she murmured, raising an eyebrow.

"What is it?" Kevin was the one who asked.

"Some tweets that Alli sent me," she cleared her throat before starting to read aloud. _“I mean, are y’all really surprised? I never went to a single event of that band ‘Devious Discipline’ and even from home I could feel the sexual tension burning— no, exploding between the bassist and the vocalist. They were monstrous on the stage. No wonder there are plenty of videos on youtube. Whether compiled from those moments or complete performances, you could see. That said, I don't really know what all this shock is about, but I understand the euphoria. I'm like that too. I hope they are enjoying their bunnies life.”_

All at the same time, Kevin burst out laughing loudly, Neil hid his face in Renee's back and Andrew audibly rolled his eyes.

"That’s not the only one," Renee continued. _“Honestly I think they took their fucking sweet time, but I'm not about to complain when all the flirting during performances definitely added a lot to their shows. The dynamics of this band keep getting better,"_ she scrolled the page a little more, _"Okay, but did you see Kevin's face in the live streaming of the show during_ **_that_ ** _moment? I would bet money that he's laughing at Andrew and Neil right now. For real, he seemed so pleased with himself or whatever that shit was, I almost laughed along with him.”_

"I'm going to have so much fun on twitter today, I swear to god," Kevin said, wiping tears from his eyes.

Renee was also smiling, and Neil almost had a breakdown because of them laughing at his possible disgrace. Excellent friends.

Andrew was dead silent, looking at the street through the car window.

The hotel building appeared in their field of vision too soon for Neil's taste. The van entered the underground garage and they left to help transport the equipment to the tour bus, which was also already parked there, and release the vehicle for the driver to return at the car rental location.

When they took the elevator, it went straight to the floor where the rooms were, in order to avoid the reception and possible crowds or people in general.

Andrew was still completely quiet. He stood with his posture straight and his hands folded in front of him the whole way, not much daring to breathe too loudly.

That changed quickly when they got to the right floor though.

Andrew's room was the first one — then Neil's, Renee's and then Kevin's in a row — and as soon as he stopped in front of his door he took a deep breath and stared at Neil.

"Are you coming in?" Andrew asked, swiping the card to unlock the door and holding it open suggestively.

Obviously Neil didn't even think twice about nodding and going in without further ado.

“Try to keep the noise for yourself and not the entire floor, will you? Good fuck, guys,” Kevin said, laughing and continuing to walk naturally.

Inside the room, now, Neil was finally nervous. Mostly because he still couldn't understand what was going on with Andrew quite well, but at the same time he was looking forward to what it could be, so he just stayed firm in place.

Andrew closed the door and locked it before turning to Neil. He looked him up and down and took a deep breath, as if he were gathering and organizing his thoughts.

"Yes or no, Josten?"

"Fucking yes."

Andrew rolled his eyes. "Take off your clothes and sit in the middle of the bed."

Neil nodded and left a trail of clothes while walking as elegantly as he managed to get to the king bed in the middle of the hotel room. He crawled on the white sheets and plopped where he found it suitable on the mattress.

Andrew was standing in front of the bed, turning on the television and holding his phone in his other hand. Neil crossed his legs in front of him, leaned forward a little and kept quiet, just watching with big eyes and fluttering lashes. Andrew opened the first buttons of his shirt with a single hand and gave a little tug to ease and give more space to his neck. The clothing was still a bit wet so it was probably a little uncomfortable with the fabric stuck too much to the skin. For a few seconds Neil allowed himself to be distracted by it. He thought he had never really seen Andrew wear any very tight-fitting clothing around his neck, always had an open neckline or buttons.

He heard a noise and focused his attention again on what Andrew was doing. Now Neil realized that he was trying to mirror his phone's screen on the television screen, and that made him raise an eyebrow in doubt, but he said nothing about it.

When Andrew succeeded, he turned to Neil and fixed him with an intense, hard look.

"Do you want to hear what I'm going to do to you as long as you allow me?" The blonde asked, stretching his neck from side to side.

“Mm, no. I like the surprise. ”

“Alright, then, but I will ask for your consent at all times and you must tell me if you want to stop. Don't lie about it, do you understand?”

"Yes, S— Andrew."

He must have noticed Neil's near misstep, if Andrew's smirk indicated anything.

“Do you really want to be my little slut that bad, Neil? Are you desperate for me to call you mine or something?” He asked, then, in a low, calm tone.

As Neil had shown more than once, two people could play this game.

"Mm, can you imagine?" He bit his lip and gave some obscene sighs. "If you owned me and could order me around, to kneel for you, or wear something specific, or give myself pleasure while you watch," Neil bit his lip again and shifted on the bed, standing in all fours and deliberately lifting his ass. "The possibilities are just so many."

Andrew looked at him from above and held Neil's chin with his fingers, effectively stopping the other man from speaking.

“Behave yourself, Josten,” his voice was firm as was his gaze. “Now, listen to me. That's how we're going to start, I mirrored my phone on television, where I'm going to show you some of our _most interesting_ videos I found on the internet, and you're going to tell me why the fuck you were doing what you were doing in each one, do you understand?”

Neil smirked immediately. “Yes. And what are you going to do in the meantime?”

"Wait and find out," Andrew took off his own shoes and sat on the bed, with his back against the headboard, slightly away from Neil who continued to sit on his own calves right in the center of the mattress. "Stay there and watch the TV."

The blonde did what he said he would do and soon a video of one of their live shows was playing on television. Neil complied and kept his eyes fixed on the screen, feeling Andrew's gaze practically burning his back.

He silently watched the video recorded from somewhere just above the stage that focused especially on Neil and Andrew. The angle was good and the image wasn’t the worst, but it still had a lot of zoom, and it affected a little, in addition to the constant movement of the person who was holding the phone.

The target of the recording — and just as it said in the title of the video — was the two men visibly flirting in the middle of a song. Neil was very close to Andrew and ran his hands over him. Then Andrew was returning the favor and also adding a lick to Neil's neck.

With that memory on top of his head, the auburn-haired man chuckled and shifted in place, already beginning to feel the waves of heat and electricity going down to his groin.

"What did I tell you to do, Neil?" Andrew's voice was a small surprise for him.

"Oh, right..."

“Come here, maybe given the right incentive it will be easier for you to obey,” he was reaching out and spreading his legs for Neil to have enough space to settle between them, which he did with a big smile on his face. Andrew moved him around until Neil was sitting with his back against the blonde's chest and staring at the television again. "Allow me to rewind the video so you can pay more attention."

He did that and then the video was playing from the beginning again. Andrew's chin was resting on Neil's shoulder, and as the image continued, Andrew wrapped both arms around Neil's waist and reached out to spread his legs wide and bend at the knees.

"Can I touch you, yes or no?" Andrew whispered directly into his ear, thanks to the immense proximity.

"Yes."

"Good. Now, tell me, what were you thinking? ”

The moment Neil opened his mouth to speak, he was partially surprised by Andrew playing with one of his pierced nipples and circling his hole with the fingers of his other hand — not penetrating at all, since his fingers were dry —, a touch barely there but still enough for Neil to feel. He gasped in response and took a while to regain at least some sanity.

"Mm."

“What, Neil? I can't understand you,” Andrew growled in his ear, now scratching Neil's chest.

 _“Andrew—,”_ he moaned, “I… it was too… you…” It was impossible to focus with Andrew so, so close to what he really wanted him to do, but just not doing it. Neil failed to gather other thoughts in his head besides the one of how he would convince Andrew to fuck him hard right there and right fucking then. "I wanted to get your attention, I wanted to show you how good I am—"

“A good _whore?_ Because that's probably the only thing you're good at.”

"Mm, yes," Neil murmured, biting his lip as Andrew bit and licked his neck, now playing with his balls instead of his hole. " _Your_ good whore, this is what I want."

“Focus, Neil. Can't you do that? Always so chatty and now you can't answer? Seems like I gotta encourage you a little more,” Andrew moved away from Neil and slowly got up from the bed. "Don’t move."

He went to his suitcase, opened one of its pockets and buried his hand until it reached the bottom, pulling a not too large package from the inside. He walked slowly back to the bed and watched as Neil remained obediently still, as required.

Andrew showed what he had in hand and Neil's eyes widened at the same time that the rest of his body melted. He was obviously having a hard time maintaining the same position, but he didn't give up anyway.

Before sitting on the bed again, Andrew stopped to change the video that was playing on television.

"Let's try it again, okay?" He said, opening the bottle of lube and putting enough on his fingers. He rubbed a little to try to warm the substance up and whispered in Neil's ear, “Look at you, so needy and almost begging for attention in front of so many people. Look."

Neil looked. This video was a compiled one. There was a slow and somewhat seductive music playing in the background while a few moments passed in the recording. Neil watched himself kneeling beside Andrew, looking at him with explicit desire shining in his blue eyes, noticeable even through the bad quality of the video.

He was too distracted to fully notice, but he fucking felt when Andrew's now lubed finger started to circle Neil's hole. The blonde made the movements slowly and began to penetrate leisurely, little by little to try to prepare him in the most comfortable way possible. The more he went on with this, the more irregular Neil's breathing became, as he was biting his lip hard to suppress his own moans. The moment Andrew realized this, he stopped moving his finger completely and with his free hand grabbed Neil's face to turn towards him as much as possible.

“I _want_ to hear you. Enjoy it because now the stage is all yours. Make noise, make a performance, I don't care, but _don't restrain yourself,”_ he growled, moving his finger again just as Neil's eyes fixed on him. The auburn-haired man didn't hold back this time. He made a show of throwing his head back and making a noise in the back of his throat. Andrew smirked. “Good. Now tell me, what were you thinking about while trying to tease me like that, Neil?”

Neil looked at the TV again and saw the moment when he was blindfolded and Andrew was running his hands over his body. Seeing it through the third person — or, you know, seeing at all, since he was blindfolded when it happened — it looked fucking _hot_ and a _spectacular_ sight.

“But I— _hah—_ have already told you. I wanted you to pay attention to me.”

"But why, Neil?" Andrew fingered him at a lazy pace, positioning Neil's legs so that they remained spread enough for him to have no difficulty accessing the other man's hole. "Why that way?"

"Mm, Andrew..." He opened his mouth in drawn-out breaths and filthy sighs. “Because… look how hot we look… these videos are… the perfect legacy. _Mm, fuck.”_

Andrew had added another finger and was scissoring Neil now. It was a little more complicated in the position they were in and Andrew couldn’t take long or his pulse would start to hurt, but it was worth doing anyway.

He lifted a hand, dragging it over Neil's torso, and closed it over his throat. Not squeezing. Not cutting off his air supply. Just... _being there_ and being a firm weight. Neil clearly appreciated it, and leaned against Andrew even more. At this point their bodies were already glued together.

"That’s it? Just this?" The blonde gave a pointedly thrust with his fingers, and added the third one when Neil whimpered. "Are you sure you don't have any more to say?"

"There's nothing else."

Andrew wasn’t buying that. “Look at the TV, eyes on how a slut you are. Don't look away or move, I'll fuck you with my fingers, yes or no?”

"Yes, yes, yes," Neil whispered through gritted teeth.

He took a deep breath and prepared to spend as much time as he could obeying the order not to move.

Andrew started to motion his fingers slowly, both still working on opening Neil some more and teasing him. The wet sound produced at each thrust was music to Neil's ears. The moans dragged and accompanied by little whimpers were music to Andrew's ears.

Just now Neil realized that his cock was rock hard and against his stomach, jolting every time a thrust of Andrew's fingers shook his entire body.

Suddenly he closed his eyes because the blonde removed one of his fingers and now, managing to stabilize himself better with just two inside, he started to really fuck Neil fast. The latter's breathing quickened and he gave in to the small pressure of Andrew's hand that was still against his neck. Holding him, putting him together.

"Oh, do you remember that day, Neil?" Andrew grunted, and the other man forced his eyes to open for him to look at the television. "The camera didn't capture what I was really doing to you, but you remember, don't you?"

And of course, Neil remembered. Andrew had blindfolded him and made him play the music he composed for the first time while being touched everywhere by the blonde. His mind went further and he also remembered that before that show, where no camera reached, Andrew pulled Neil onto his lap and they had a conversation that was enough to drive a man crazy. God, that day had been so good and intense.

With those thoughts in mind he squirmed a little — his cock was already getting sore and demanding attention — and gave a series of groans in a row. Neil hated being so sensitive, it made him desperate really easy.

When Andrew noticed how Neil was growing more and more lustful before him, he moved the hand that was at his throat and used it to hold the face of the auburn-haired man motionless in place and staring at the television screen. He held Neil still and continued fingering him as fast as possible, sometimes growling a little in his ear thanks to the effort that the position was demanding from the blonde, but he continued anyway. It was worth it.

At some point he repositioned it just right during the thrust, and Neil's hole clenched around his fingers. _There. That must be his prostate._

Andrew repeated the movement, again, again and again.

“You know you can't come, don't you? You know that if you come right now we’re done here and I’m going to send you to your room, don’t you?” Andrew snarled with his nose against Neil's cheek, his lips moving against his skin with each syllable spoken.

"But I want to—," he cut in mid-sentence to moan a sound that came from deep in his throat. _“Fuck,_ I want you to fuck me so bad. And so hard. And so violent. I also want to ride you while you thrust up at the same time so I can feel you fucking _deep_ inside of me.”

"So you better not disobey and don’t come at the wrong time."

They were getting sweaty, the room was gradually getting warmer and filled with the sounds of Andrew's fingers going in and out of Neil, Neil's moans and whimpers and some other less frequent noises from Andrew's throat.

When the blonde thrusted his fingers against Neil’s prostate again and the scene in the television video showed them both and the almost visible aura of desire around them, Neil had to bite his lip hard to keep from screaming.

 _"Oh, fuck— Andrew— fuck,"_ his breath sped up all at once, and he threw his head back against Andrew's shoulder. “Alright, alright… I only tease you because I want you to make me _sorry_ for doing it. I want you to tie me up, make me cry, pull my hair, make me feel pain, make me regret it all. That’s what I want."

Neil spoke all too quickly and breathed in a huge breath of air as soon as he finished speaking.

At almost the same moment, Andrew stopped his movements and removed his fingers from inside Neil and his hand from his face. Finally the other man managed to look elsewhere than the television, and he took some time to catch his breath.

"What do you want, Neil?" The whisper came shortly after Andrew placed a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Just… fuck me already. Fill me and claim me as yours,” Neil said as he gasped for air.

"Is that what you want?"

"Fuck yes," came out as a breath. Neil wanted Andrew’s hands back on him as quickly as possible.

“As you wish,” Andrew’s voice was low on Neil’s ear. “Get up and crawl to the front of that mirror, then stand up facing the glass and spread your hands on the wall, bending a little forward.”

"Yes," was not an answer, it was a groan.

His legs barely supported him when Neil got up, and he had to stand and wait until they stopped shaking so he could bend down and stay in all fours to crawl over to the place Andrew ordered.

In that position, he felt immensely exposed and knew he was starting to blush because of this, but it wasn't exactly bad in a way that made him not want to do it. He wanted to. _Oh, how he wanted._ He knew that Andrew could see him open and loose the moment he stood up again on more steady limbs than he had when he went down, leaned in front of the mirror and spread his legs. It was fucking humiliating but it made an arousal trail burn inside Neil.

"When you said you wanted me to make you feel pain, what exactly did you mean?" Andrew asked, clearly now walking instead of sitting on the bed. Neil didn't turn to look at him, just watched through the mirror's reflection as Andrew unbuttoned the remaining buttons of the shirt he was wearing.

"You know,” Neil said lightly and with amusement in his voice. It was good to have a little bit of his concentration back since Andrew wasn’t touching him anymore, even though he couldn’t wait till Andrew made him lose it again. “Sadomasochism is what I meant."

"Mm, so you know a little bit about it?" Andrew was still walking through the room, slowly, and Neil could see it through the mirror.

“Yeah. I mostly like whips, floggers, padded paddles and, the basics, like bare hands,” Neil smirked to himself.

Andrew was silent as he reached into his suitcase again and pulled something else out.

"Alright," he nodded, and Neil could see Andrew walking over to him this time. Andrew stopped behind him and looked at their reflection in the mirror, seeming to make sure to not have a part of his body touching Neil but still taunt him with the warmth of his proximity. It was intoxicating and Neil’s breath was starting to quicken again only with that. “Can you see what a fucking slut you are? On display for me that way, just talking about how you would like to be made even more of a slut…”

Andrew reached Neil's mouth, without dislodging himself from behind him, and pushed two fingers inside, which Neil obviously sucked earnestly, humming around them. He made a point of making a mess and when Andrew removed his fingers Neil’s face was a mingle of spit and reddened cheeks, his breath quick and his expression aroused.

One firm hand was placed on Neil's hip while the other brought two saliva-covered fingers to his hole, penetrating again to probably to make sure he was properly prepared. No other part of Andrew’s body touched his beside those hands, and the limited access to what he wanted the most was making Neil already tremble on his weak-as-fuck-for-Andrew knees.

"Stay in that position," Andrew said low and strong, his eyes distant from the mirror, looking at his fingers coming in and out of Neil at a leisurely pace that made him quiver. "If you obey I can grant you a really small spanking while I'm fucking you."

Neil hummed happily at that before a moan was punched out of him as Andrew's finger movements picked up a rhythm in and out of his ass, their thickness and the new angle making Neil’s breath even more fast than before. His palm was pressed hard against the wall and he wanted to have something to hold on to, but with the flat surface it was quite the challenge to do that, so all he could was feel the slow pleasure gathering on his lower stomach as he kept looking to Andrew’s perfect form behind him, unbothered and the perfect image to drive him nuts.

He was also struggling to keep his legs firm and in position apart. Little by little he was feeling his knees getting weaker and wanting to give in at once. He remained still and standing from pure force of will.

“Andrew, I’m already prep enough, just fuck me already,” he whined and completed everything with a pout he thought was quite cute, but Andrew wasn’t looking at him, his gaze still on his fingers penetrating Neil’s ass, even if his thumb was circling a caress on Neil’s hip as he punched and punched his fingers inside Neil in a steady and strong rhythm.

"I know you're prep enough," the blonde snorted, "I'm just teasing the fuck out of you."

Neil whined more and his breath was long destabilized by now, his moans getting more desperate by the second as the building pleasure Andrew was causing him to feel was reaching a point that made him feel high. He tried to focus and looked more intently at the reflection in the mirror. Not at himself though, but at Andrew, who looked focused and obviously attracted to Neil's body, noticeable thanks to his dark look and the way he gazed appreciatively at the other man’s ass and back, his hands steady and unrelenting on their drive to turn Neil crazy.

Andrew’s eyes finally caught Neil’s as he watched Andrew in the mirror, making Neil gasp at having those dark circles of lust connected to his own blue flames. Andrew moved the hand that was on Neil’s hip to his hair without stopping his movements inside and out of Neil with the other, pulling it enough to make Neil’s back arch until his head was close to Andrew's face and his upper back was against his chest.

“You have no idea how much I want to impale you right now,” Andrew growled, his cheek right beside Neil’s, their eyes still connected. “I want to put in inch by inch and hear you thank me every moment for doing something as benevolent as fuck a _whore_ like you.”

Neil groaned at that and briefly closed his eyes before opening them again and whispering as he looked again at Andrew, who was still gazing intently at him through the mirror. "Andrew, my cock is hurting."

“Is it?” His tone became light and amused, even in the natural low pitch of Andrew’s voice. “May I touch it?”

"Yes," Neil answered breathly, eagerly.

Andrew's fingers stopped their assault in Neil’s ass but they remained inside, and he removed the hand that was entwined in the auburn hair strands to reach to the other man’s groin, making possible for Neil to incline himself forward again, which separated their back and chest from each other but it was more comfortable for him that way. Andrew reached out and felt Neil’s balls, rolling them between his fingers, certainly chasing and wanting to provoke what that would do to Neil. The pressure made sure his next moan was high pitched and emitted a shade darker of despair than before and Andrew surely looked self-satisfied at that, his touch light but still heavy on the sensitive skin.

Neil closed his hand in a very tight fist, and although he was almost sick with the arousal flowing through his veins, he did not squirm or move out of the position in which he was placed. His eyelashes fluttered at Andrew’s teasing touch, quieter moans leaving his lips nonstop.

"Yeah, it really looks like you're making a nice effort to hold on there," Andrew sighed and the air that came out of it tingled Neil’s cheek. “Do you think you're open enough, filthy bitch? Can you proceed from here or do I still need to work on you?”

“Of course I can proceed from here,” the answer was breathy, punctuated with moans, but Neil still managed to make it challenging, which made him smirk to himself.

Andrew snorted and smirked, removing his fingers from inside and from Neil’s balls, leaving Neil feeling empty and even more sensitive.

The latter heard some distant sounds — he was too gone to fully acknowledge all of them — and opened his eyes, which he didn’t even realize he had closed, so he could look in the mirror once more to observe.

He heard the sound of a plastic wrap being opened, the sound of a zipper sliding, fabric rustling… And then Andrew was back on the frame of the mirror, and Neil watched as he pulled his erection out of his pants and positioned it to roll the condom on the length of his cock.

The appreciative, contented sound that escaped Neil's lips was inevitable, and that made Andrew lock his eyes with his in the reflection of the mirror.

The blonde approached and inclined himself so he could glue his chest against Neil's back, which caused his cock to be pressed between the other man's ass cheeks, who took a long breath and arched more in the direction of the touch.

"You really are this eager, aren't you?" Andrew bit his earlobe, sending shivers down Neil's body. "How far can I go with the spanking?"

"As much as you want, this is not a hard or soft limit for me," Neil answered breathlessly, not even knowing how he managed to utter such a long-phrase.

"The control over this does not belong to me, so I will only do it if you are responsible enough to communicate honestly," Andrew’s eyes turned serious at that, but he didn’t push himself away. He only kept regarding Neil’s eyes intensely through the mirror, passing the seriousness of his words through the less than amused tone he was using.

“Yes, Andrew, I know,” Neil stopped and took a deep breath. He needed to answer Andrew honestly and eloquently enough, so he needed to fucking get a grip on his wits so he could pass the message to Andrew. He breathed again and, finally, he managed to complete his say. Andrew waited calmly, his eyes intent on Neil through the mirror. “And this is the truth. You can trust me. I will tell you if something changes or whatever."

Andrew held Neil's hair and just griped it, not really pulling or pushing, just squeezing it tight.

“Listen carefully,” Andrew’s voice became that husky breath that made Neil’s skin tingle with anticipation. Their eyes were locked on the mirror, and Neil lost his breath multiple times faster than what it took for him to get back, his arousal becoming unbearable with the heat of Andrew’s gaze onto his, demanding and piercing even through the reflective glass, making Neil want to whimper. “You have to bend a little more forward, keep your legs wide spread for me and keep looking in the mirror. I will fuck you and you will watch your slut face while I do all these dirty and filthy things with you. I'm also going to slap you and maybe leave other marks, and you have to thank me after each hit. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do," the answer came with a groan as it slipped past Neil’s lips.

"You may call me Sir while you're thanking me, but if you're going to moan or whatever, I want to hear my name obscenely come out of your mouth."

"Andrew..." Neil whined. Finally he would be able to call Andrew Sir.

"Yeah, you already got the hang of it," Andrew gave him a little smirk through the mirror, and Neil’s back almost arched further with the indirect praise, but he managed to reign it in.

Neil was about to smile and make some sassy joke but he was effectively interrupted by the sensations of Andrew releasing his hair, holding his hip too tightly, shoving Neil onto the position he requested, guiding his hand downwards and manoeuvring the tip of his cock to line up with Neil's hole. Neil couldn’t help but moan instead.

Andrew pushed in with all the slowness in the world, and Neil watched through the mirror as instructed as the scene unfolded. The black shirt was still slung over Andrew’s shoulders, but completely unbuttoned and exposing the entire central band of his torso. The pants were also still on, except for the part where he had pulled his cock out. Andrew had a concentrated expression on his face and was looking with appreciation at where he was penetrating Neil. 

The whole picture was obscene as fuck and Neil was loving every second of it.

His legs were already beginning to protest the position, but he quickly managed to ignore it as the feeling of Andrew’s cock stretching his hole inch by inch made him roll his eyes backward and shiver in pleasure. 

It was happening. Andrew was inside him. Fucking _finally_.

The feel of Andrew’s cock inside him was so fucking good, better than he could have ever imagined, and thanks to all the stretch Andrew had done before he felt a lot less burning than he usually did when he was doing that on his own with his dildo. And, oh, the cock was also vastly different from the dildo. He felt the erection throbbing against the walls of his hole, in addition to the heat of the body connected to the member being transmitted to him. It was heavenly, and Neil felt as if he was having an outer body experience. He was moaning, his eyes glued to the reflective glass in front of him, watching Andrew’s face contorting with suppressed pleasure, and when their eyes crossed again on the mirror as Andrew finally was all the way in, Neil couldn’t help but moan that little bit louder, knowing that his flushed face and the sweat starting to gather on his temples would make him the perfect picture of debauchery. Andrew’s eyebrows were furrowed, his breathing was as ragged as Neil’s, and his gaze was so dark that Neil shivered even more from it alone, as it made its way through his body lazily. For a while they just breathed and looked at each other through the mirror. Andrew’s hands on Neil’s hips, his own on the wall, and their bodies pulsing in tune with one another as they were connected in the most intimate ways the two of them could be. The way Neil had wanted them to be all along. 

Andrew's first bare hand smack came as a surprise.

He heard the loud crack before he actually felt the stinging pain spread across his right ass cheek. Neil simultaneously gasped and clenched his hole around Andrew's cock at that, the sensation of pleasure running through his veins like a lightning. He recovered the air with a small whine and firmly held his hands against the wall, his fingers stretching with the urge to fist them.

"Thank you, Sir," he said, more as if he were full-on glorifying than just thanking. Andrew acknowledged this with a nod and a knowing smirk that no one could be able to say it was there. No one but Neil.

Neil batted his eyelashes through the mirror, and tried to sound sarcastically pleading, but that backfired as the sarcasticness couldn’t find its way through his tongue and what got out was a pleading breathless whine."May you fuck me now, Sir?"

"Are you this eager?" Andrew raised an eyebrow, and he would’ve seemed unbothered if there wasn’t a slight redness coloring his cheeks, and his chest wasn’t moving with heavy breaths.

“That's because your cock feels so fucking good and full in me, I just want you to— _Ah,”_ Neil clenched his hole once again with the impact, this time not only from the slap but also from Andrew removing his cock and then shoving all the way in again, in a quick, fluid motion. It felt so fucking _good_. "T-thank you, Sir."

“I am not going to fuck you yet,” Andrew said lowly, his gaze imprisoning Neil’s on the glass before them. The words made Neil want to whine, but then his knees went weak with the sentence that followed. “For now I just want you to warm up my cock while I take care of the rest of your body.”

Neil had both arms outstretched, his body bent over and his legs spread open, and the only thing he could do was drop his head forward and down, closing his eye briefly, so he could try to regain stability on his core as Andrew’s words licked their way through his skin and made him tremble with want. “Are you going to use me, Andrew? Use my body for as much pleasure as you want?”

"You know I will, doll."

He gave another slap and put his arm in front of Neil's body, suddenly yanking him back and pressing their bodies together again.

Neil groaned and muttered, "Thank you, Sir."

Andrew snorted, "For the slap or for using you?"

And even in the fog of pure pleasure he found himself in, Neil managed to handle a smirk. "Both."

His hair was spread over his face, his head was turned slightly to see as much as he could of the other man behind him, and now he was lifted by the strength of Andrew's arm holding him close.

In the last second, before he could be scolded for that, Neil remembered to look in the mirror again and focus his gaze on the reflection. Andrew’s gaze was already there and he looked Neil up and down with a look that left shivers wherever it went and, without much warning, dropped his mouth to the crease of Neil's neck. Wet, open-mouthed kisses were left where he could reach on Neil's neck, and sometimes lingered some more to suck or bite too.

Neil's mind was no longer able to formulate a single coherent thought. He was watching in the mirror while Andrew left mark after mark on his neck, held him by the chest and had the cock buried deep in Neil's ass. It was one of the most erotic things he had ever experienced and by now he was just a moaning putty on Andrew’s arms.

To increase his pleasure, having Andrew's dick inside him but not moving, just resting there, was something Neil didn't expect to like and was definitely not disappointed at all to feel. It was ten times better than he would have ever imagined. With the kisses on his neck, Andrew’s arms around him, and his cock inside him, he had never felt so taken care of before.

He could see how rock hard he was, with precome dripping from the tip of his cock and the rest of his skin and body a complete mess. He could understand now the appeal for fucking in front of the mirror. He _did_ look like a slut. His member hung, heavy, but still, Neil didn’t want to touch it and end this moment. Even if it was getting more difficult by the second to hold back the waves of pleasure and satisfaction that rolled through every inch of him.

The auburn-haired man didn't notice what was happening because of his contemplation of the beauty that was that moment, and both feeling and watching while Andrew used his mouth on Neil's skin, so he was surprised by three consecutive slaps on the left ass cheek. Neil hissed and trembled with the electricity that ran through his core as those hit his skin. The pleasure was so much. It was _too much._

“F-fuck. Sir, thank you very much,” he practically groaned. “Andrew, I need to come. It hurts.”

“Mm, no. Not yet,” Andrew blew three more hits in a row on the right ass cheek and two on the left one. "But since you're craving so fucking much, I think I can be a good person and fuck you, little slut. Can't I?"

 _"Yes,"_ Neil breathed heavily, parting his lips with his hair still falling on his face. His whole image was becoming messier by the minute. "And thank you, Sir."

Andrew kisses the top of his shoulder as he slides out of him slowly. Neil throws his head back, groaning as he's filled again, clenching around Andrew's cock. The blonde repeats the movements of pulling out and then shoving inside again, and begins to build a strong and fast rhythm.

Neil groans, his cock throbbing because Andrew is _finally_ fucking him. He can take some thrusts by responding with just too obscene sounds, but in a particularly sharp move, he loses control and starts to go vocal.

"Fuck," Neil moans, his voice strangled as Andrew goes balls deep into him. "Your cock is fucking perfect, I swear to god."

The blonde slowly slides a hand over his chest and wraps it around Neil's neck, keeping its firm weight once more as he fills the man again and again and again.

Andrew's grip on Neil's hip for leverage is rough and helps him keep the rhythm fast enough that makes the sound of skin against skin echo within the walls of that hotel room. Neil cries out, hands clenched into tight fists, as Andrew drives into him wildly. It felt so good for both of them that they fell into a spiral of a lot of skin, fluids, filthy words, growls, moans, slaps followed by whined gratitude, and what else their dazed brains offered.

"Andrew, Andrew— _Fuck—_ I need to come," Neil moaned, or screamed, as Andrew drove against his prostate with surgical precision. He could barely keep his eyes open, but he managed to still look steadily onto Andrew’s reflection as he fucked him on his way through the _fucking month._

Without slowing his pace, Andrew looks over Neil's shoulder, meeting his eyes through the mirror.

“Play with your balls. And do not come.”

Neil whines and Andrew grips his hips with both hands now. His thrusts were starting to get erratic, a sign that he himself was close to orgasm, but he continues fucking Neil mercilessly anyway, his cockhead sliding against Neil’s prostate over and over and over.

With some effort, Neil does what is required and takes a hand to his balls, holding them carefully and rolling them slightly between his fingers, massaging and groping.

“You are a disgusting slut, aren't you? You are a mess now, nothing but something I'm using the way I want and you don't even care about it, do you? Nasty little bitch,” Andrew snarls at Neil's ear, biting his earlobe.

Neil cries. For real, he closes his eyes tightly and when he opens them Andrew can see that they are filled with tears, which run hot across his face as he whispers a torrent of ‘yes’, ‘I am’ and ‘fuck me harder’.

Andrew whispers, "You can come now, my dirty whore," and starts to suck on Neil's neck where he has already left some marks behind.

Neil wails. His entire body snaps as he orgasms, streaks of cum staining the mirror in front of him and he is all flushed, sweaty skin with his asshole clenching around Andrew's cock. Neil sobs and gasps as Andrew still drives into him throughout the orgasm, raving on his own hypersensitivity.

Andrew snaps his hips a few times before he's shoving all the way into Neil, and coming hard, holding Neil's face and turning it over for a kiss as the orgasm burns through him.

And Neil kisses him back fiercely. He moans against Andrew’s lips even if he is hypersensitive. It just feels so good. It was a little disappointing that Andrew wasn't filling him with his own cum, because of the condom, but it was still heavenly as fuck. And after that thought, Andrew separates their lips with a sharp breath.

Slowly, Andrew took his member out of Neil’s abused whole and Neil can only whine at the feeling of emptiness it causes. Andrew steps back, which leaves Neil without leverage, so he leans his whole body on the wall before him and closes his eyes to breathe properly, which he knows he won’t be able to do for a while, but he tries anyway. Meanwhile, on his post-orgasmic daze, he thinks he heard Andrew pulling out the condom and discarding it in the bathroom.

When he heard Andrew’s steps approaching him again, Neil opened his eyes, smiled, and bit his lip, opening both arms as if asking for a hug. Which he wanted. He wanted to feel Andrew again if Andrew allowed it.

Andrew tugged himself into his pants again and only then approached Neil.

"Wrap yourself around me and hold on tight," he said, his skin still flushed from exertion, grabbing Neil around the waist and lifting him up.

With Neil’s arms around his neck and legs around his waist, Andrew took him to the bed and placed him on the sheets. Neil watched lazily as Andrew reached for the room minibar and took a bottle of water, giving it to Neil with the order to drink as much as he could but slowly. As Neil followed the order, Andrew took wet towels from the bathroom and cleaned the auburn-haired man slowly and carefully, and Neil knew the look he was sending Andrew was nothing but admirative, but he couldn’t care less, even if he was sure Andrew noticed it.

When Neil was clean enough, Andrew went over to the mirror to wipe off all the cum that was spurted there, and when he was finished, he threw the towel into the laundry basket under the bathroom sink and checked the room again for more messes. Neil observed him from the pillows on the bed, totally satisfied in his quietness.

Neil took the liberty of covering himself up to half his face while Andrew was still fussing around the room, leaving only his bright eyes out. When Andrew turned around, he sighed at Neil, grabbing the almost empty bottle of water from Neil’s lazy fingers, drinking the remaining of it.

"Satisfied?" Andrew asked.

"For now, yes. You did a pretty decent job,” Neil smiled, and even if it was covered with the blanket, Andrew rolled his eyes and snorted. 

Andrew went to his suitcase as Neil still observed him, his eyes getting heavy with sleepiness. Andrew unzipped the biggest compartment, pulled out some random T-shirt, and threw it at Neil, who gave a huge, stupid smile and sat up quickly to put on the shirt even if he was getting more tired by the second. Andrew pulled out pajama pants and a tank top for himself and undressed what he was currently wearing to change.

Before they fell asleep, Andrew placed a sheet rolled up in the middle of the bed to trace the limit that Neil could not cross while they were unconscious, and Neil nodded in agreement.

Tiredness eventually overtook them when they fell asleep facing each other and in a silence filled with so many things completely other than insignificant.

The last thing Neil remembers is to think that, apparently, it wasn't that big of a problem. To want more than anything to be fucked by your band partner, that is.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this far!! I hope you've enjoyed it. authors love kudos and comments, by the way.
> 
> (you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)
> 
> edit: hey!! rio made a fanart for this fic and it's fucking amazing, I swear to the goddess I can't stop looking. you can check it out on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CIyviMmAN6g/?igshid=wgw882zonb6c) and [tumblr](https://extraordinothing.tumblr.com/post/637513968858136576/andreil-inspired-by-an-amazing-fanfic-ive)


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